This Week in the Mercury

<i>Secret in Their Eyes</i> Is a Little Too Chill about Terrorism
<i>I Am Thor</i> Tells Most of the Story


I Am Thor Tells Most of the Story

A Jon Mikl Thor Documentary That's Too Reverent for Its Own Good

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Sep 11, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Now through lines of the cheap venetian blinds, your car is pulling off of the curb. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

It's that day again.

Congress breathes a sigh of relief after President Obama hits the brakes on an emergency vote to invade Syria—BUT. He did not say how long he would wait for Syria to hand over their chemical weapons before he'll act. In other words, that speech was kind of a waste of everyone's time.

Also, Russia reportedly shows the US its plan for getting Syria to give up its chemical weapons. (Which may or may not include shoving them up Obama's ass.)

Meanwhile a new UN report suggests that serious international law violations have been committed by BOTH sides in the Syrian fight.

A car bomb explodes outside a Foreign Ministry building in Benghazi, smack dab on the anniversary of the attack that killed Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three other Americans.

Anthony Weiner's concession speech would've been awkward enough without his former sexting partner showing up at the party, and if maybe he hadn't flipped the bird at reporters. In other words, THINGS COULD'VE GONE BETTER.

This just in: Marathon swimmers are a bunch of fucking crybabies.

Note to douchebag boyfriends: If you're thinking about slipping your pregnant girlfriend the abortion pill? You could be sentenced to 13 years in prison. Just like this douchebag.

Locally, a dentist accused of molesting underprivileged kids commits suicide, and GAHHHHHH.

Stumptown Coffee opens a shop in Los Angeles, inspiring locals there to say, "Waitasecond... these baristas aren't nice to me either!!" I kid. I kid.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: HOT, HOT, HOT with temps in the mid-90s today, low 90s tomorrow, and mid-80s on Friday... which is perfect weather for our Silent Disco dance party on top of the Hotel deLuxe! Get your tickets quick before they all sell out!

And finally, when you need a cat rescued from a burning house and resuscitated, who ya gonna call? HILLBILLY BATMAN AND HIS CHUM, CAPTAIN (Southern) AMERICA!


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