This Week in the Mercury


Friday, September 13, 2013

The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o' the Day!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Sep 13, 2013 at 3:29 PM

Here's an I, Anonymous blog submission from another satisfied Mercury reader:

The Merc has become such a ground-breaking rag...and so risque! Such naughty writing using (tee-hee!) big grown-up four letter words; everywhere!! Will it ever stop? Even the advertisers are now so hip they use (get this!) awfully super naughty words in their ads. Words, like, oh you know...really bad ones, including the one (shhh) that starts with an "F" (don't tell Mom, OK?)!! More and more of 'em (I know, right?)!! Middle fingers galore! It is so hip and new, page after page! I've never seen anything like this!

Thanks, Merc reader! It's not often that we get such positive feedback, and it's really gratifying because—when it comes right down to it—we work really hard to bring you a free paper that you can appreciate week after week, and... waitasecond. YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC! Oh, damn it. I hate it when people are so subtle with their sarcasm that I can't even tell when they're being... WELL, TO H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS WITH YOU, MY FRIEND. Perhaps if you don't like what we do, maybe you should find another mother-flipping, s-word swearing, ding-dang-donging newspaper to read!!!

(Sniff.) That really hurt my feelings. (Especially coming from someone who's obviously so intelligent, knows so much about the subject, and has worked so hard to earn the right to criticize others!) Are you a intelligent, morally superior feelings-hurter too? Then maybe you should drop off a confession or rant in the I, Anonymous Blog—where sarcasm is soooooo much better than thoughtful criticism.

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