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Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Welcome to the Georgia Guidestones Amusement Park

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Sep 18, 2013 at 6:58 PM

You guys know about the Georgia Guidestones, right? Easily the awesomest thing in the entirety of Georgia, probably the awesomest thing in the entirety of the United States? Okay, well, onward, to the Times!

“My long-term goal is to build some sort of festival around it, something that would be a weeklong thing that could be held in two or three different spots around Elberton that could really draw in crowds and help the local economy,” said Mart Clamp, a local businessman who helped his father engrave the Guidestones. “There’s a big push right now for the wholesomeness of how small towns operate. People are drawn to that.” (Via.)

On one hand, the possibility of the Guidestones getting commercialized sounds kind of terrible, and would probably attract the very worst of both conspiracy theorists and hippies. (Like Portland!) On the other hand, maybe the conspiracy theorists and the hippies would fall in love?

Personally, I feel like the only way anyone should ever behold the weird wonder of the Guidestones is as in the manner that stones' mysterious maker (possibly) intended: in the frigid, lethal death-air of our inevitable nuclear winter, while roasting a baby on a nearby spit, desperately staring at the granite during a winter solstice, so as to unleash both its hidden holographic secrets and the vast army of flying, screeching demon banshees that it doubtless imprisons.

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