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Friday, September 27, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Not Gonna Happen

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Sep 27, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I love my wife and I'm deliriously happy with her. The problem? Sex with her sucks, partly because she doesn't seem all that interested in that part of the relationship, except to indulge me in the sweetest possible way. I have needs she can't meet. I want her in a ballgag as I'm raping her. She plays along with my fantasies but it isn't HER fantasy; she isn't INTO it. This ruins the experience for me. In an ideal world I would be a top and she'd be a bottom; my cards were not dealt that way. And if she has sexual fantasies (which I would be thrilled to fulfill, since her happiness is my happiness), I'll be damned if I can unearth them (and we've been married for nearly a quarter century). I have no interest in straying. A few brief experiences with strippers and hookers were horrifying to me because they lacked the emotional component, the deep spiritual bond I have with my wife. Like I said, I adore her. She takes my breath away. She turns me on like no one else. We are amazing together (except in bed). So I jack off to porn when I need to. It's not a time-squandering addiction, just a couple of minutes a couple of days a week to lose myself in my fantasies, so I don't explode.

What do I do? Leave it alone? Or is there hope for me, for us, in the sex sense?

Love My Wife

My response after the jump...

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