Originally published November 8, 2007:
I came out after a number of years of "playing straight." I had two relatively long-term monogamous gay relationships, then converted a friend into a boyfriend. We bought a house, got a dog, and live in the 'burbs. Supposedly, life is good.
I'm a fairly athletic guy, and I got started playing sports partly to overcome my internal homophobia. My partner isn't athletic. He likes to stay home, watch movies, cook with real butter—consequently, he's out of shape. Our relationship is great in that we have a high degree of true honesty between us—he's a trustworthy guy, and I love him and his family.
The issue is that I often feel stuck. I've dealt with some anxiety and am taking medication to help that. I'm a fairly balanced guy, but I still feel the urge to get out and be with other guys I find more attractive. I struggle in that I'm with the guy of my dreams—in every way except that he's bear-shaped and that's not my thing. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to go out with friends because I'm afraid I'll have a few beers and end up giving in to my own urges to play around with another guy and I don't want to cheat. My partner is generally GGG when it comes to trying new things, but it's not really working. I'm just not attracted to my guy sexually.
Please don't say, "Well, if you don't want to fuck him, you should just move on." I'm looking for some real advice. My partner and I have talked about three-ways, messing around with another couple, things like that. I haven't felt comfortable exploring that area because I think he would have an emotional meltdown if I actually expressed an interest in any other guy.
Seeking A Solution
My response after the jump...
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!