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Thursday, October 17, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: The Invisible Girlfriend

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Oct 17, 2013 at 3:29 PM

Four years ago I began a relationship with a woman that turned romantic. A year later, I left my husband and moved in with her. She's beautiful on the inside and out and I love her dearly but our relationship has had its ups and downs. My biggest issue is that she won't introduce me to her family. She comes from a fairly conservative family and, according to her, they're quite homophobic. She came out when she was 18 and she was estranged from her family for a few years as a result. She has since reconciled with them but their relationship is fragile and she treads carefully around them to keep the peace. I can understand that... except... her brother is gay and out to the family and his longterm partner is embraced as a member of the family. My partner's father recently died and she took off for a few weeks to help care for him in his last days. When he died, she didn't ask me to come to the funeral or to join her for any of the other observances. I hate to seem selfish during her time of grieving but her refusal to share me—share our partnership, our life together—with her family really hurts. On top of it all, her father's obituary—which she wrote—listed her husband (she's still married, in order to get his health insurance) as her spouse. Am I crazy for sticking around?

The Silent Partner

P.S. Thanks in advance for your help, Dan. I've only confided in a few friends and they all say I should dump her. But I would appreciate the perspective of someone who is less straight.

My response after the jump...


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