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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 23, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! London, Washington, anywhere you are I'll run. Together we'll be inside, outside, got my pride, I won't let him take you from me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Searching for a target... any target!...following their government shutdown fiasco, Republicans are now attempting to point their bony finger of shame at Kathleen Sebelius—the public face of the beleaguered Obamacare website.

A 14-year-old Massachusetts boy is the primary suspect in the murder of one of his teachers, whose body was found in the woods near his school.

Meanwhile more details emerge in the Sparks Nevada school killing in which a teacher was murdered by a student carrying a gun.

More terrible news: A three-year-old Florida boy dies after his caregivers tie him up in a blanket as punishment. I WILL NOW PAUSE TO LOOK FOR SOME CHEERIER NEWS.

A Hawaii commuter plane has a catastrophic engine failure—but the pilot lands the disabled plane safely on a highway. PHEW. I really needed some good news at this juncture.

The man who made the viral video in which he confessed that he killed a man while driving drunk has been sentenced to six and a half years in prison. INTERNET JUSTICE!

Over 22,000 pounds of meat is being recalled due to a Listeria scare. Oregon is not on the list of state involved, so go ahead! Cram your face with delicious meat!

In dog news: Dogs and cats have been dying mysteriously, supposedly from eating tainted jerky treats. Have you been feeding your pet poisoned jerky treats? That makes you a "jerky," too!

The "Bling Bishop" of Germany charged with living a super fancy, luxurious lifestyle has been suspended by the Vatican.

Remember the NSA's claims that their spying has thwarted 54 terrorists plots? Turns out... weeeeeeeeell... that's not exactly true. Like, at all.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: After a high of 72 today, things will cool down a bit... but will still be sunny and dry.

And finally, still looking for the perfect Halloween costume? The hilarious Kristen Schaal visits The Daily Show to offer her ideas for the SEXIEST costumes of the season!

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