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Monday, October 28, 2013

The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Oct 28, 2013 at 10:15 AM

Welcome back to The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club, and if you watched last night's episode, you know there was a HUGE REVEAL. Let's talk about that HUGE REVEAL and other spoilery-spoilers after the jump! Because you know how we do... we CHITTY-CHAT!

A handgun, a crossbow, and a sword. Seriously, what else do you need to survive a zombie invasion?
  • Courtesy AMC
  • A handgun, a crossbow, and a sword. Seriously, what else do you need to survive a zombie invasion?

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Isolation."

1) UGH! Cold and flu season is the WORST. And it's especially bad in the prison, where almost everybody is dropping dead from a flu with symptoms that include bleeding from eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. Oh, and sniffles! They're the worst. Almost makes you want to murder them in their sleep and drag them from their bunks and set 'em on fire. IF you're that kind of person. AND SOMEONE IN THE PRISON MOST CERTAINLY IS. Mystery!!

2) Tyreese wants Rick "Sherlock" Grimes to solve this crime pronto, but he comes off as annoyingly hesitant, which causes Tyreese to attack him which causes Rick to beat the shit out of him, because... Rick is still suffering PTSD from last season, and maybe The Walking Dead hates black people? Just a guess.

3) Anyway more and more people are getting sick, including the boring Glenn—who, come on, we'd all be okay with if he went bye-bye. However that inspires Daryl, Michonne, Tyreese, and Bob (who is definitely up to no good, I'm convinced!!) to go on a 50 mile jaunt for antibiotics. Unfortunately they run into a massive zombie horde, and produce the sweetest zombie kill of the night: Backing up their car on a pile of dead people, and spinning their tires on their splattering skulls. SWEET KILL, BRO! The guys barely escape into the woods, which means the infected will have to wait a lot longer for their sweet antibiotics—which I just learned in real life aren't really going to work anymore anyway. Have a happy day, you guys!

4) Meanwhile back at the prison, Teen Carl (who's apparently growing an adorable perv mustache) escorts Farmer McDrunky out to the woods to pick some kind of idiot tea leaves, which he insists will lessen the effects of the bloody spew flu and keep them alive a few more hours. Everybody tells McDrunky not to go into the sick ward, which inspires him to deliver a rousing speech about how our jobs here on earth is to help each other... and so he is rewarded for his altruism when the other sick doctor coughs a mouthful of infected blood into his eyes. SWEET FUTURE KILL, BRO. (Maybe next time cover your mouth when you cough? Sheesh.)

5) Rick finally decides to do his goddamn job, which is CSI-style police work. He studies the burned bodies crime scene, sees some blood on the door, and... snap! It's elementary, my dear Watson! CAROL DONE DID IT. When he confronts her about the crime, she's all like, "Duh, YEAH." Because seriously, what's he gonna do about it? I'm hoping Tyreese might do something about it, though. If he survives. (Just for the record, I didn't like Carol before she went all kill crazy. Somebody cough a mouth full of blood into her eye!)

6) Okay, that episode was all right, but not nearly as intense and wired as the previous two. What are you guys thinking? Rattle off your incisive comments below, and let's start chitty-chaKAFFF! KAFFFF! KAFFFF!!! Oh, sorry. Did I get a little blood in your eye?

Okay, who wants a steaming cup of Bloody Sputum tea?
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "Okay, who wants a steaming cup of Bloody Sputum tea?"

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