GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Rebecca, Lolita, Veshawn and Dawn, every time you do the Double Dutch you really turn it on. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius is forced to eat a lot of crow in front of obstructive Republicans thanks to the crappy roll-out of HealthCare.gov. And internal emails show that the Obama administration was warned back in September that they were not being given adequate time to sufficiently test the problem-ridden site.
Social Security benefits will only rise 1.5 percent this year—which is one of the the smallest cost of living increases in the program's history. So don't plan on getting old anytime soon!
Here's a sports headline no one wants to read: "Brazilian Footballer's Decapitated Head Reportedly Sent to Wife by Drug Lords."
Today in "Guns Keep Us Safer": Six people dead (two were children) in South Carolina, following a presumed domestic-related shooting.
Cirque du Soleil and the MGM Grand are in trouble following the death of an aerialist who fell almost 100 feet to the stage during a performance.
Saudi officials detain a columnist who wrote an article blasting the country's misogynistic no-driving ban for women.
Panic, lushes! There's apparently a global wine shortage!
Former Rupert Murdoch lackeys, editor Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson, oversaw the illegal phone hacking scheme for the media giant's London papers—according to case's prosecutor.
Remember the sinking of the Concordia cruise ship that killed 32 people? In a shocking court revelation, the married captain's lover was on the bridge at the time of the accident. SCANDAL!
Have you eaten breakfast yet? Good. Check out this story about scientists dissecting a humongous "sea serpent": "Scientists from the University of California, Santa Barbara last week dissected the 18-foot oarfish found off Catalina Island and found large, larval tapeworms in its intestine. An adult spiny-headed worm also was found embedded in the intestine." Happy Wednesday, everybody!
Singer Chris Brown FINALLY enters rehab to deal with "anger management" problems—but only because he was about to be thrown in prison.
While the Willamette is ordinarily safe for recreational swimming fun, maybe don't jump in today. Besides... it's cold!
How cold? Let's see what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly sunny and 58 today, and an only slightly wet Halloween tomorrow. Stock up on Snickers!
And finally, in honor of Halloween Eve... TURN AROUND!! THE MONSTER'S RIGHT BEHIND YOUUUUUUU!!! (The supercut.)
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