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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Nov 6, 2013 at 9:32 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I never said I wasn't gonna tell nobody—no baby! But desperate lover, I can't keep it to myself—oh no! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Big election night last night (for other people): "Audacious liberal" Bill de Blasio is the new mayor of NYC; possible next U.S. president Chris Christie is re-elected governor of New Jersey; Tea party buster and Clinton Democratic ally Terry McAuliffe is the new governor of an ever changing Virginia; and even in Alabama the Tea Party had their hillbilly ass handed to them by fellow Republican Bradley Byrne.

Another big election day winner? Pot mary-jane ganja grass! Colorado approves taxing legal marijuana sales, while Portland (the other Portland) is now the first East coast city to give the okay for adults to smoke a big doobie-lubie joint.

"Should Oregon legalize marijuana?" That's the question the Oregonian Editorial Board wants to discuss in their live chat today at noon. HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! Sure thing, Grandpa! Just as soon as you learn how to use email.

A new study reveals that the Heathcare.gov rollout was even more terrible than previously suspected.

An atheist takes her battle to can public prayer in government meetings to the Supreme Court. Yay, atheist!

Germany wants Russia to question secret leaker Edward Snowden to see what else he knows about the US government taking sneaky-peeks at their country—as long as it doesn't cause Snowden any "difficulty." (Asking Russia to question someone nicely is like asking an elephant to step on an egg without breaking it.)

Toronto mayor Rob Ford says he's gonna keep his job even after admitting he smoked crack (in a "drunken stupor"). Dude... that's the best time to smoke crack!

Apple 'fesses up on the number of information requests it granted to our snoopy government. The result: The government made between 1,000 and 2,000 requests, and Apple granted somewhere between zero and 1,000 of them. Does that make you feel better or worse?

Locally, the OLCC is considering allowing Oregon grocery stores to sell liquor. Not to get too excited too quick, but YES YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Note to local middle-school football coaches: Having your team's season ending party at Hooters isn't necessarily a great way to keep one's job.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Less rainy today, more rainy tomorrow and Friday, and a pretty dry weekend!

And finally, there's one thing the Portland Police Bureau could do to bolster their image a hundred-fold: institute a "Buddy Cop" system. Use a computer to pair up the most diametrically opposed cops in the city... and let the fun begin! For a beautiful example of this in action, check out this movie montage tribute to the greatest buddy cops in history.

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