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Friday, November 8, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Nov 8, 2013 at 9:27 AM

OMG! So much breathlessness on my Twitter last night! After Willamette Week only mildly raised the notion of drug use complicating the ongoing state investigation into ousted county chair Jeff Cogen this week, the Oregonian one-upped everybody. Based on the word of two anonymous sources leaking out interviews from his ex-lover, the paper ran hard with potentially unsubstantiated claims that Cogen is a daily pot smoker and cocaine-dabbler who had a third affair he hadn't admitted to yet.

Um, maybe? Keep this in mind, anyone who spit out their nightly glass of wine or gin while reading this last night: Legal pot's got almost super-majority support in this country right now and might be legit here in Oregon by 2015 (and already is legal in Washington and Colorado). So, yes, Cogen has reportedly (and very unsurprisingly and boringly) admitted having smoked it with is former lover "a couple of times," according to KATU. He has not, however, 'fessed up to the coke and the new potential affair. Raise your hand if you hope you're never investigated by the state...

Good news for Daryl Turner. We've apparently all moved on.

The biggest typhoon in recorded history, Haiyan, has made landfall in the Philippines, killing three people already. It's technically a Category 5 storm. That's like me insisting on wearing T-shirts only sized Large.

A nuclear deal with Iran has become so tantalizingly close that Secretary of State John Kerry is swift-boating in from the sky (his last stop was an awkward visit with Israel) to help see it through. President Obama laid the groundwork for a pact by secretly softening financial sanctions this summer, after a frustrated Iran elected a moderate president. (Because a lack of luxury goods sometimes speaks louder than a bunch of rattling sabres.)

Eff a shutdown! The US economy has gotten out of the gutter, smoothed out its bluejeans and silk clubbing shirt, and breezily added 204,000 jobs. It's also revised previous months' job totals upward.

Not soon enough. But! Mental illness and addiction—thanks to new rules the Obama administration is making final—must now be treated the same as any other physical malady, syndrome, ague, or health issue that insurers are already (not quite fully) covering.

That's a gun control victory, somehow. As for the continuing soap opera over the Obamacare rollout, the president (who endured nonstop attacks over an effort meant to keep millions from choosing between bankruptcy or healthcare) has now apologized to those who's high-cost, low-coverage policies have been canceled. I guess it can't hurt?

Also? Also? Hackers have been targeting HealthCare.gov in an effort to further bork the overstressed enrollment website.

Hillary Clinton will have all the dirty lib'ral Big Hollywood sex magick money in 2016.

Remember Benghazi? No? You're not a conservative. Or someone who watches TV's 60 Minutes. What's 60 Minutes? It's this old-fashioned thing called a "news magazine." Do a seance and ask your dead relatives about it. Also? They totally got hosed on their attempt to keep fanning the flames of an almost Obama scandal.

The secret Google barge and its secret purpose are both a bit less secret, thanks to documents uncovered by the San Francisco Chronicle suggesting Google is way too rich for its own good.

The juiciest tempests in city hall, these days, are all coming from what should be its most staid corner: the city's Office of Management and Finance. OMF boss Jack Graham keeps tilting with his employees, this time in an email screaming match that drove city controller Jane Kingston into taking three weeks' paid leave.

HEY! SPORTS! The reason my bus commute home was uncrowded and easy last night! If you missed it, please go back and read our live blog of the Timbers' nail-biting playoff win (the franchise's first!) over the Seattle Sounders. And here's a good way to keep pissing into Oregon Ducks fans' corn flakes (which are already filled with last-night's-cheap-beer-scented tears).

BE WARNED! AT SOME POINT, YOU MIGHT FIND THE FOLLOWING ENTERTAINMENT DIVERSION A LITTLE BIT "GROSS." MAYBE INVOLVING "FAKE POOP."

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