Just emerging from a revivifying trip into the wild or a brief coma? Then maybe you haven't heard former Multnomah County Chair Jeff Cogen won't be charged for any crimes surrounding his lengthy affair with health department manager Sonia Manhas. The big take-aways from the 106-page report released yesterday by the Oregon Department of Justice—lots of pot, lots of sneaking, conflicts within the county, but no lawbreaking—are here.

This is the Fontaine Bleau nightclub on inner NE Broadway. Swanky-seeming, right? Look at all those glamorous, happy people in all those stock photos. Martinis! Having never been to the Fontaine Bleau, and with no Yelp reviews to go by, I'm forced to assume this is precisely what it's like. Except for last night, when cops say two men and a woman were shot in a "large fight and riot" outside the club. One of the men died, the other two victims should survive, and the city's gang cops are investigating. Martinis!

Yay, Republican-led states! By not buying into Obamacare's Medicaid expansion you've doubly screwed your sickly poor! Dream of dreams! Seriously, though, this is problematic, and a sizable flaw in the Affordable Care Act.

Rescuers picking through what's left of the six Philippine islands slammed by a super-strength typhoon say the storm claimed at least 1,000 lives. That number will certainly rise.

Did 14-year-old George Stinney—a black boy in the deep south—kill two little girls back in 1944? Or did South Carolina officials rush to convict and execute Stinney in pursuit of indiscriminate retribution? A group is pushing for a new, symbolic trial that could settle the matter.

My boss keeps trying to convince me to take up residence in the Mercury's long-dormant Damascus bureau. I knew something seemed fishy about that.

Is there anything social media can't do? It lets me see new pictures of my baby nephew almost daily, and it helps violent criminals in Philadelphia figure out which snitches to shoot at. Modern-day miracles!

Well damn, Martha Rigsby. The Washington Post is putting one district resident on serious blast today, chronicling the woman's 226 calls to 911 and 117 hospital visits in the last year alone (check out the sweet paparazzi-style shots of Rigsby getting into her car! Journalism!). Those are crazy numbers, and "super users" are an issue health care providers are trying to tame more and more these days. Portland's own Commissioner Steve Novick will talk about the problem at length. Just ask him.

Well this is truly sobering. Two top US Navy officials are caught up in a bribery scandal in which fo—-OHMYGODYOUGUYSNATALIEPORTMANHASANEWHAIRDO.

There will be weather. It will be variable.

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I still love these.