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Enter the "Sum Up Portland in a Haiku" Contest!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Tue, Nov 12, 2013 at 8:49 AM

Things are awful and growing worse in the typhoon-ravaged Philippines, and for all the familiar reasons. Food and water: low. Bodies: everywhere. Shelter: at a premium. Looters: looting. Disease: mobilizing. Aid: not enough.

Speaking of the horrific symptoms of a warming planet, representatives from more than 190 countries are gathered in Poland to talk climate change. That's almost every nation in the world, meeting to hash out the serious, oft-denied threat poised to lay waste to our species. And typical of such momentous meetings, nothing much is expected to happen. Humans are the worst. Sorry, Philippines!

The nation's always-trustworthy health insurance providers have a simple solution for snarled Obamacare registration: Let them handle it. Because, you know, everything's historically been great when they run the show.

Meanwhile, how's Oregon's earnest, twee Cover Oregon doing? Worse than any other state that took enrollment into its own hands, that's how!

Every man's home is his castle, and sometimes a 19-year-old woman distraught from a car crash and seeking help tries to impregnate that stronghold. Luckily for us: Guns. Renisha McBride was buried with a closed casket because of the grievous bullet wound to her face.

Hey, women, the GOP is coming to woo you... and also probably tax your bodies or some weird shit.

Are you guys sick of bicyclists using the roads all they want, but never paying for upkeep?! Well cut it out.

IMPORTANT QUESTION: What were you guys doing on 8:09:10 of 11/12/13. Because I was taking this screenshot like an idiot.

Screen_shot_2013-11-12_at_8.08.48_AM.png

Stay tuned for good news from Hawaii later today. It's on the cusp of legalizing same-sex marriage. Seriously, Oregon, this is getting embarrassing.

I get the symbolism behind a 1,776-foot-tall 1 World Trade Center, but if you ask me the decision to incorporate the antenna as part of that height is felonious. Willis Tower, all the way.

The mauling death of the head keeper at Sherwood's WildCat Haven Sanctuary is a bad thing all around. The sanctuary's owners say Renee Radziwon-Chapman was breaking rules by tending to cougars by herself. But the woman's family has told the Oregonian she was frequently the only one working at the business.

How your life will be through Sunday:

Screen_shot_2013-11-12_at_8.37.31_AM.png

Looks like you could use this.

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