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Monday, November 18, 2013

The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 18, 2013 at 10:18 AM

Last night's episode of The Walking Dead was quite the departure, wouldn't you say? OR WOULDN'T YOU? What would you say? Well, The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club is the perfect place to say what you would or wouldn't say... and in a public forum! So stick with me after the jump for my spoiler-filled recap and your bitches, moans, and kudos in the comments. LET'S START CHITTY-CHATTING!

Does anyone have a bucket of water?

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Live Bait."

1) An entire episode devoted to Guvnah Morrissey?? UGGGGNNNNHH... OKAY FINE WHATEVER.

2) It's flashback time, in which we see what the Guv has been up to since getting the boot from the Woodbury Home for Wayward Humans. Living in a shitty tent, he awakens one morning to find that his trusty henchman Caesar has abandoned him (and he took his baseball bat, too)! So off Guv'nah walks, shambling through the countryside, and growing his beard. He's too disaffected to even squash a zombie skull. OH HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

3) Eventually he meets up with other survivors hiding out in a house (Tara—the hot wannabe cop; Lily—the almost as hot sister; Megan—she's a kid... not supposed to be hot!; and Grandpa Lung Cancer). There he decides to shack up for the night, but OF COURSE he proves himself invaluable to the group by carrying Grandpa Lung Cancer around the house, teaching Megan how to play chess (WITH METAPHORS!!), stealing the neighbor's backgammon set, and retrieving oxygen tanks from the nearby zombie-infested old folks home. (Turns out old folk zombies only smell slightly worse than actual old folks. THE MORE YOU KNOW.)

4) OH! And Guv'nah Morrissey also proves himself invaluable in the boning the hot sister department, and smashing the brain out of now-zombified Grandpa Lung Cancer. And so, after burning the photo of his former family, the new foursome set out for a safer place to live... even though the old place seemed to be working out fine. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT THEY HAVE???

5) The foursome are traveling happily along, until the car breaks down. And until hot Tara stupidly twists her ankle. And until a mob of zombies come out of nowhere. And until they get separated, and the Guv'nah swears his eternal protection to Megan. And until they fall into a zombie pit. And until he sees his old pal Caesar staring down at him. WHU-WHU-WHAAAAA?

6) AND SCENE. Okay, so that was that. And apparently the entire next episode is supposed to be about the Guv'nah, too? Look... I don't care how sympathetic he's supposed to be... THE GUV'NAH IS A DICK. And I still don't sympathize with him, like at all. However, the hot sisters are a welcome change, and it makes me feel like the coming apocalypse won't be so bad as long as hot sisters still exist.

7) What did you think of this episode? Am I alone in my feelings for the Guv'nah? And the hot sisters? Place your comments gingerly below, and let's start CHITTY-CHATTING!

Im telling you, the orderly is stealing my pocket change from my dresser!!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "I'm telling you, the orderly is stealing my pocket change from my dresser!!"

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