Live from the Moda Center as the Portland Trail Blazers host the New York Knickerbockers.

Much like Parker Lewis before them, the Blazers just can’t freaking lose. Portland took home another victory in Saturday night’s contest against Golden State, and their winning streak is now up to ten in a row. Ten! The knock on the team before the weekend was that they hadn’t faced any major competition, but after dispatching the Bulls and Warriors in back to back nights that is no longer the case. The Blazers are seemingly for real.

You know who is not for real? The Knicks. New York is scuffling out of the gate, having dropped nine of their first twelve contests. Things are so bad Carmelo Anthony may start demanding a trade back to Denver. Tyson Chandler is out with a broken right fibula, Amar’e Stoudemire (!) and Andrea Bargnani (!!) have forgotten how to play defense, and J.R. Smith might be trapped in a garage. Above it all, notorious shredder—and, okay fine, Knicks owner—James Dolan and his win now attitude are looming large over the struggling franchise.

Speaking of large? (Insert Raymond Felton fat joke here.)

PRE-GAME:
What?! Felton is out for tonight’s game. There goes half of my material. Ah well, I’ll just get it out of the way now: fat fat fatty fat cupcake fat fat. Man that felt good.

The Blazers will be without Mo Williams tonight as he was suspended a game for Saturday night’s rumble with the Warriors. Both LaMarcus Aldridge and Wesley Matthews were slapped with fines, too, but only Williams is being forced to miss a game for his role in the skirmish.

On a more positive note, Aldridge took home Western Conference Player of the Week honors after posting 22.5 points, 10.5 rebounds, 2.5 assists, 2 steals, 1.75 blocked shots, and infinity mid-range jumpers. Did you know Aldridge leads the league in attempted field goals so far this year? You hear that, Melo? Better start chucking!

It's panic time for the Knicks! James Dolan can't guitar solo his way out of this mess.

Wesley Matthews came out pre-game to give a short happy Thanksgiving message, and the crowd gave him an unexpected standing ovation. I think fans are noticing how well he has been playing.

FIRST QUARTER:
11:30 - Matthews gets on the board first, making a nice cut to the rim off of a curl. Easy basket. 2-0 Blazers.

10:53 - The Knicks just got befuddled on a pick and roll with Nicolas Batum and Robin Lopez. That was terrible defense. Just awful. It might be a long night for the Knicks. 4-2 Blazers.

9:33 - Kenyon Martin just hit a near three-pointer. It was so far away that the PA announcer gave the basket to Melo on accident. 7-6 Blazers.

8:21 - Beno Udrih just flat out left Damian Lillard on the perimeter to weakly try and double Aldridge in the post. He didn't commit, one way or the other, and Lillard made him pay with an open three-pointer. 12-8 Blazers.

6:40 - The Knicks need a timeout after Lillard just found himself with a wide open lane to the basket for a dunk. Udrih lost him on a pick, and there was no help defense from any of New York's bigs. The running theme so far is easy baskets in the paint for Portland. 17-12 Blazers.

6:15 - Seriously, Lillard is wide open. How does that even happen? Another three with the closest defender ten feet away. That is too easy. 20-12 Blazers.

3:52 - I haven't watched many Knicks games this year, and now I know why. This team is bad. The Blazers are getting everything they want on offense, and it isn't even a struggle. The Knicks are trying to isolate Melo in the post on every possession, and so far it hasn't been effective. 24-12 Blazers.

2:45 - Matthews is 0-3 from distance tonight, and the Blazers still lead by thirteen. Maybe Knicks coach Mike Woodson should shave his eyebrows again? I bet that would motivate his team. 27-14 Blazers.

0:00 - The Blazers end the quarter with thirty-four points, and it feels like it should have been forty-five, as Matthews is cold from deep and Aldridge has yet to score. The Knicks, on the other hand, could only must eighteen. Unless the Knicks get unbelievably hot from distance, this one is over. I'm calling the blowout now. The Knicks just aren't even trying. 34-18 Blazers.

SECOND QUARTER:
10:50 - Will Barton sighting! I told you all it was a blowout. 36-20 Blazers.

9:52 - Iman Shumpert just airballed a three-pointer so badly that I'm pretty sure James Dolan is going to trade him at halftime. Ouch. 39-20 Blazers.

8:51 - The Blazers are outscoring the Knicks with a lineup of Earl Watson, Will Barton, Dorell Wright, Thomas Robinson, and Joel Freeland. I wish I was making that up. I need a drink. 39-20 Blazers.

6:54 - Matthews just rattled down his first three of the night, and the lead is up over twenty. Yep. I just tried to look at the box score for the game and my computer exploded in pain. 44-22 Blazers.

5:02 - Fun stat time! Iman Shumpert is a -18 in eleven minutes of action. I don't even. 46-26 Blazers.

3:44 - What is crazier? That the Blazers lead by twenty while Aldridge has zero points, or that Aldridge was just blocked at the rim by Andrea Bargnani? Yeah, it's the latter. 48-28 Blazers.

1:10 - Woah, the Knicks have life? Kenyon Martin just picked Aldridge's pocket, which lead to a fast break dunk by Carmelo Anthony. Portland's lead is down to fourteen. 52-38 Blazers.

0:17 - After picking up a questionable foul call, Melo missed one of his two free throws. Ball don't lie. Stotts decided to use a timeout to set up a play for his team before the half. 54-39 Blazers.

0:00 - And the play Stotts called? Iso for Lillard. Good idea. The Knicks can't guard the rim for anything, and Portland will enter the half two points richer. 56-39 Blazers.

THIRD QUARTER:
9:59 - The Blazers are a little shaky to start the quarter. LaMarcus Aldridge just picked up an offensive foul on Bargnani, and Melo put it home on the other end to keep New York's run going. 58-45 Blazers.

8:11 - It might be panic time if the Knicks weren't allergic to defense, but as it stands there is really nothing to worry about here. Move along, folks. 61-47 Blazers.

6:22 - Melo is trying to keep the Knicks afloat. He has eight points in the quarter already, but the rest of the Knicks are putting up negative points. You can score in negatives, right? Because that is what the Knicks are doing. 68-53 Blazers.

4:42 - The other Knicks must have heard me. That's back to back threes from Beno Udrih and Andrea Bargnani. And New York is...almost within single digits. God, this game is awful. 71-59 Blazers.

2:35 - Bargnani is seven feet tall and only has two rebounds in thirty minutes. He almost just picked up number three—seriously, so close!—but was called for an offensive foul instead. You keep doing you, Bargs. 73-63 Blazers.

1:51 - Matthews with his second three of night to help break this one back open. The Knicks had their fun and now it's time to leave. 77-63 Blazers.

1:17 - Aldridge with the offensive rebound and immediate put back in traffic, and this one is feeling like a blowout all over again. 79-63 Blazers.

0:40 - Oh man, I forgot Metta World Peace was on the Knicks. He's played only five minutes tonight, and can barely crack this awful rotation. That is just sad. 79-66 Blazers.

0:00 - Melo came through with the deep dagger three as time expired in the third. Twelve in the quarter for Melo, and still the Knicks are losing by double digits. Can we just skip the fourth and call it good? 81-69 Blazers.

FOURTH QUARTER:
10:16 - Huh, the Knicks have made it a game. After a made three by Bargnani, the Knicks have it within single digits for the first time since early in the first quarter. 81-74 Blazers.

9:09 - So much for that run from the Knicks. Off of a missed basket by World Peace in transition, Batum picked up a soaring and beautiful dunk on the other end. New York followed that with an immediate turnover, and Matthews made them pay with his third three of the night. 87-74 Blazers.

7:52 - Batum just picked J.R. Smith's pocket, and then Smith fouled him hard in transition on a dunk attempt. The play looked bad, the replays actually looked worse. I'm surprised they didn't review that for a flagrant. 90-74 Blazers.

6:16 - Robin Lopez just blocked an Amar'e shot flat-footed. Didn't even jump and still got a piece of it. It sucks to see how far Stoudemire has fallen. Remember when he was good and didn't have the single worst contract in the NBA? I'd look up to see how much the Knicks still have to pay Amar'e, but I don't want to hurt the Knicks fans any more than they've already been hurt. 92-78 Blazers.

4:40 - Portland just can't quite put this one away. Five straight points for the Knicks—the last three coming from another Beno Udrih three-pointer—and Stotts needs a timeout. Portland had some bench players on the floor for that last stretch, so we should see all the starters back to finish this one off strong. 94-85 Blazers.

4:16 - Need a bucket? Go to Aldridge in the post against Stoudemire. That's almost unfair. 96-85 Blazers.

2:35 - Too soon to head for the exits? Nope. Beat that traffic, Portland fans. 98-85 Blazers.

1:47 - The Blazers can't quite close the door. New York with six straight, cutting it back down to single digits. These teams are not even in the same class. If there is one criticism I have for Portland, it's that they haven't had a major blowout win yet. This should have been a thirty point victory, but the Blazers just keep letting the Knicks hang around. No worries, a win is a win, and Portland has this one in the bag. 98-91 Blazers.

0:45 - Lillard with four straight of his own. Ball game. The last two came on a pretty little Derrick Rose-esque floater—that is a shot that LIllard should definitely work on. 102-91 Blazers.

FINAL: 102-91 Blazers. That is now eleven wins in a row for Portland. What a streak. It wasn't the prettiest win of all time, but Portland took care of business. That game felt over after five minutes into the first quarter, and the Knicks truly are that bad. The Blazers will go for win number twelve on the road in Phoenix on Wednesday.