GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! A-ha-ha, a-ha-ha, Gloria, how's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line, or will you catch him on the rebound? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

China declares a new air defense zone, to which the US responds, "Oh yeah? Fuck your new air zone... we're flying two B-52s right through it. Vrrrrroooooommm!"

Formerly powerful (and still loud mouth) Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has run out of ideas to stop the inevitable—the country's senate has kicked his ass out of office.

Obama's beleaguered health care website is getting close to getting on its feet, but the White House has a message for its users: "Don't use it to much at once! It's like a delicate butterfly and you're gonna crush it!"

That big winter storm has hit much of the eastern US today, so if you're flying there? Take a nice, long novel.

Two girls escape a "knife-wielding stepfather" (the worst kind) and are claiming they've been held captive for months.

A section of the stadium that will host the World Cup collapses, killing three.

Seahawks starting cornerback Walter Thurmond (also a former Oregon Duck) is suspended for four games due to accusations of substance abuse. FOOTBALL!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A very sunny and beautiful Thanksgiving day—perfect weather for turkey throat slitting!

And finally—RUN, POLLY, RUN!!!