If you have climbed out of your tryptophan coma and re-entered polite society, you probably have some catching up to do. For instance, what are people on the Mercury Letters page squabbling about this time? Well, let me tell you:

—"Fireman" was the one person with the get up and go to read the I, Anonymous about a woman dissatisfied with her kissing partners and publicly respond with a personal ad for himself, complete with email address signature. While we take no responsibility for anything that may or may not occur should you respond—nor do we in any way guarantee that he is actually a fireman of any sort—it's nice to see some gumption.

—Paul asks about all these bicycle lanes we're paying for. Anyone usin' 'em?

—EVERYBODY FREAK OUT about Barbara Holms' column, and then everyone else. freak out at the people freaking out and keep going back and forth until the comments are finally closed. This is how you play.

—Did you know that we have digital editions of every new Merc issue? Jack just found out and now he's going to go get high and read them. Excellent plan, and great for digestion.

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  • ILLUSTRATION BY MATTHEW BILLINGTON