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Monday, December 2, 2013

SL Letters of the Day: Two For Cyber Monday

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Dec 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM

So, my partner and I have been dating for about 8 weeks, and sleeping together for about 4. And I have encountered a novel issue: he doesn't come when I blow him or when I give him a hand job. He said he never has been able to come when someone does this to him. I know he masturbates, and orgasms when he does. I haven't stopped blowing him or giving him hand jobs, because I enjoy doing it and he enjoys it as well. But it is disappointing for me, because I like watching men come. I've asked a little bit as to why, and he just says it's never happened for him with those sex acts. But I don't want to push to much and make him feel pressured, which is killer for orgasms for men and women alike. I would like some advice about how to approach talking to him about this. My uneducated guess is that he beats it too hard, but this theory seems to conflict with him coming during intercourse. He is also very large, and having been with generously-endowed men before, I know that sometimes blood-flow can be a problem. I know the answers to my questions lie with my guy, and not you, but I don't want to implode the relationship by bringing it up. So, should I just keep blowing him and giving him hand jobs and hope for the best? Or should I bring it up again, and if so, how should I approach it?

Wanna Watch Him Come

My response after the jump...

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Keep blowing him, keep giving him handjobs as foreplay, WWHC, and ask him to jack off for you when you wanna see him come. (And unless you have an eyeball in the back of your throat, you're not gonna see him come when you blow him. Or you shouldn't be able to.) But you can certainly bring it up again—tell him you would love to one day be able to make him come using your hand or mouth—but don't act like his ability to blow a load in your hand or mouth is a referendum on his feelings for you if it doesn't happen. A partner's inability to come from one or more particular kind of stimulation isn't necessarily a sign that someone is damaged or doing something wrong—and that goes whether your partner is male or female or SOPATGS.

My current partner is GGG in every capacity. He was totally game for my interest in pegging, and in fact has gotten so into it it’s become a major part of our sexual routine. I’m stoked on it and I want to give back.

However, I’m having some trouble with something he’s asked for recently. It began with a mid coital request that I meow like a cat. I made a joke about him being a Furry and we both laughed it off. Recently it’s become a bit less of a joke. He says he has no interest in the full fur suits and doesn’t really want to act like a cat himself. He just wants me to act like a cat while he just acts like a dude. Kitten play? Is this a thing? I guess he’s into tails, like animal tails in the form of buttplugs. I know there’s a whole tumblr subculture of naked ladies with animal tail buttplugs, and I’m just not into it. Those plugs look like the ratty fake fur tails I sometimes see hanging from kids belt loops.

Regular plugs are fine. Fur near the anus seems filthy, and not in a sexy way. I want to return all the GGG efforts back to him, but this kind of is out of my comfort zone. What should I do? Cat face paint? Get a litter box? Laser pointer foreplay? Or should I just suck it up and do it? I'm in love with this guy, and he's a fantastic partner. Weirdly enough, I don’t mind the acting like a cat as much as tail buttpluggery skeeves me out.

Whiskers

A guy who made pegging a regular part his sexual routine to accommodate your interest in fucking a dude's ass is asking for a little mewing and the occasional insertion of a furry butt plug from time to time? That seems like a pretty reasonable tradeoff/request to me. Of course I don't think you should do anything that leaves you feeling traumatized or legitimately degraded (as opposed to that pretend degradation stuff that some kinksters enjoy). But if your only objection to a furry butt plug is cleanliness, Whiskers, there's nothing about assplay that's inherently filthy—as I'm sure you're aware, seeing as you're an experienced pegger. Shower before insertion and since fur-tail butt plugs aren't exactly expensive, toss and replace any that get lubey or—God forbid—santorumy.

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