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Monday, December 2, 2013

The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Dec 2, 2013 at 10:44 AM

In last night's mid-season finale, a main character went down for the count—so why am I fretting more over the potential death of a minor character? FIND OUT in this week's The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club which starts after the jump! Spoilers ahoy! LET'S CHITTY-CHAT!

TANKS for nothing! HARRR!! Do you get it?!?>

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Too Far Gone."

1) You know something terrible is going to happen at the end of a Walking Dead episode when the first part of the show is boring as shit. The episode opens with Guv'nah Morrissey kidnapping Farmer McDrunky and Michonne in a diabolical plan to take over the prison. As he explains his plan to the group, his new gal pal (sexy sister #1) Lily is skeptical... and for good reason! We all know that the Guv has no intention of taking the prison in a peaceful manner, which is why he leaves Lily and his surrogate daughter Meghan behind. BAD IDEA, GUV!

2) Meanwhile back at the prison, the bloody eyeball flu has finally passed and everyone that survived is on the mend—which means it's time for Rick to tell certain people why he banished Crazy Carol (who you recall burned the infected patients with gasoline... an effective, if not humane treatment). Former Racisty McRedneck Daryl is not happy, but knows that Tyreese is going to be far less so—but lucky for them he's distracted by a psychopath who's apparently roaming the prison and BOOM!! What was that? Oh, just the Guv'nah using his tank to blow holes in the wall. A TANK?!?

3) Back at the Woodbury RV Park, lil' Meghan is making mud pies on top of a zombie's shallow grave, and gets a bite on the neck for her indiscretion. On the upside, now she won't have to take a bath.

4) Meanwhile, the Guv gives Rick until sundown to clear out the prison, or... you know... ELSE. Rick gives an impassioned speech about the human condition, as well as our ability to change and put the past behind us so we can live together in peace. And the Guv is all like, "Yeah, well... fuck that," and he chops off Farmer McDrunky's head. Needless to say, this doesn't go over well with the rest of the prisoners and they are like, "Oh, shit, no you didn't, it is ON!" Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

5) Things get kind of crazy at this point: Lily brings Meghan's pre-zombified body into the war zone, and the Guv shoots the kid in the head. Michonne does a sweet karate roll and escapes, Rick gets shot in the leg, while Rick's Rangers fire on the interlopers and quickly load a bus to escape. Glenn and Maggie get separated, Daryl tosses a grenade into the tank turret (Booyah!), Tyreese is saved by a gun-toting Lizzie (the crazy kid that Crazy Carol trained), and Michonne shoves her sword through the Guv's sternum—but he's finished off by sexy sister Lily who puts a bullet through his brain. (They should've also had Maggie walk up and kick him in the balls. WHY DON'T I WRITE FOR THIS SHOW???)

6) Anyway, practically everybody gets separated, the invaders are dead, and the prison is overrun by zombies. BUT HERE IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART. Rick and Carl Jr. frantically look for lil' baby Judith—and all they find is a bloody baby carrier. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Killing Farmer McDrunky was one thing, but THAT IS JUST TOO MUCH. Screw you, Walking Dead!!

7) Okay, so that was the mid-season finale. What was your take on that? Happy they're out of the prison? Happy they're all separated? Happy that a baby may have died? YOU ARE A MONSTER. I'll see you guys when The Walking Dead returns in February! Mwwwwah!

Okay, everybody flex your muscles in three... two... ONE!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "Okay, everybody flex your muscles in three... two... ONE!"

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