Yesterday I posted this hilarious review of Sarah Palin's new book about the war on Christmas Good Tidings and Great Joy. The post was picked up by a Tea Party forum "Free Republic" and they were not happy. Apparently I'm "stupid, ignorant, dishonest and basically evil" and also have "the hair of a kewpie doll."
For 70+ comments, they proved they were smarter, more honest, more Godly, and possessing of better hair by calling me gay in as many ways as they could think of. "Fudgepacker" was fun because it reminded me of second grade, "pointy headed fag in need of dental work" has a nice ring to it, plus my two favorites "bitchy eunuch" and "limp-wristed sodomite" which are awesome because they're not even gay slurs from the last hundred years. They had to do some archaeology to find those well reasoned arguments.
They found some old head shots from my website and took issue with my teeth, my hair, the wrinkliness of my "fake work shirt" (?), and my similarity to Dilbert, which I honestly don't see.
Even more terrifying than homophobia from the 1200s and their wishing I was hotter are the signatures some of the commenters have. On the place where some people would write "PHD Candidate" or a quote from Ghandi, they have some of the most upsetting non-sequiturs I've ever seen. Matt1234 signs his comment with "Hitler blamed the Jews. Obama blames the Tea Party" a sentence that raises all kinds of questions about his understanding of the holocaust. Even worse, ConradofMontferrat signed his comment "According to mudslimz, my handle is a HATE CRIME. And I HOPE they don't like it." I... there's... nope. Never mind. I have no words.
They're not all bad. When they discovered I was on Portlandia, they had a cute discussion of the show and the merits of the brunch sketch versus stuff that happened in season 3. There was also some back-and-forth about my use of periods inside quotation marks. It isn't helpful since they're speaking dogmatically about an issue for style guides, but it was kinda fun to see them going after grammar mistakes with the same enthusiasm they attacked gays and Muslims. At least they're well rounded.