This Week in the Mercury

Rays of the Black Sun

Music

Rays of the Black Sun

Withering of Light Works in the Dark


Arty & Bullshit

Film

Arty & Bullshit

Tim Burton Goes '50s. Christoph Waltz Goes Insane.



Friday, December 20, 2013

If You're Going to Believe in Anything... Make it Santa

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Dec 20, 2013 at 1:29 PM

I've decided. If I'm going to believe in any supernatural being, it's going to be Santa. Here's why:

santa.jpg
1) Santa walks the walk. Jesus said it's better to give than receive, and he did give away a lot of stuff (loaves and fishes, yo!)—but comparatively? He's no Santa. Some will screech, "OH! BUT JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE ON THE CROSS!" Umm... if you want to get technical about it? His life was actually taken from and in a very terrible way. I bet he would've preferred giving us something that we would've actually wanted. "But GOD gave us life!" Maybe? But I don't buy it. I could claim that I gave people the ability to ride a unicycle. Prove me wrong! (Besides, God insists that in exchange for the life he provides, I should give money to the church. That's not gift-giving—that's COMMERCE.)

BUT SANTA... now, there's a different story. He gives and gives and gives, and what does he want in return? Maybe some milk and cookies. THAT'S A SUPERNATURAL BEING I CAN GET BEHIND.

2) Santa is there. I'm certain Jesus existed, just as I'm certain the original Santa existed. And you can tell me Jesus is up in heaven, patiently waiting for the day he can come down and judge everyone and slowly destroy the earth over a series of months (NICE)—but I can actually see Santa. He's right over there. He's in a makeshift house in the center of town, patiently listening to lines of children, telling them they're special and he loves them. I also saw him at the mall. I also saw a bunch of drunk hims running from bar to bar. I don't want to be insulting, but there's a reason you see far more people dressed as Santa than Jesus. In short: Wherever there are people who want to be Santa, Santa is there.

3) Santa is happy. Not too many supernatural beings are what you'd call "happy." In fact, not many living humans are happy. But you can bet your sweet bottom that "happy" is something we all aspire to... and if you're looking for a good example, I can't think of anybody better than the guy who laughs so hard his belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly.

4) I get stuff. Yes, that's certainly a greedy little thought that pops in my head on Christmas morning. But the sheer abundance of what I get reminds me that I can do more. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." That's a great place to start. But Santa's actions does Jesus one better: "Give unto others with the same abundance that I give to you." He doesn't scream it; he leads by example. Astonish each other and yourself with the sheer abundance of niceness and generosity you can provide. That's the Santa way.

5) Santa doesn't require ridiculous things of me. Santa doesn't tell me that some people are less worthy than others. Santa doesn't love the sinner and hate the sin. He just loves everybody. He doesn't actually say what the difference is between "naughty" and "nice"—because you already know the difference. Being nice is putting others and their feelings before your own self-interest. Being naughty is the opposite. (NOTE: Santa didn't say this, but starting fights on Twitter is naughty—and annoying.) Santa doesn't want my soul or allegiance... and that's exactly why I'm happy to give it to him.

So feel free to pooh-pooh Santa—he's gonna continue to do his thing. Also feel free to believe in whatever supernatural being you want... or none at all, if you prefer (most of the year, I'm with you). But right now? I believe in Santa. As supernatural beings go? He's the boss.

Comments (1)

Showing 1-1 of 1

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy