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Monday, January 6, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 6, 2014 at 9:27 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And my heart, and my heart, and my heart can't stand the strain. And my love, and my love, and my love won't stand the pain. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Today in "Not Shocking": The Supremes have blocked same sex marriage in Utah while the homophobes there figure out a way to appeal it—apparently not realizing they are all on the far end of a very losing battle.

Meanwhile, Pope Francis tells his followers to stop crapping on the children of gay couples. (Note he is not giving a thumbs up to gay couples.)

Dick's daughter Liz Cheney (the mean one) gives up on her bid to run for the Wyoming senate, citing family health issues, and not citing that she never would've won anyway.

Okay, guys... not funny anymore. A "polar vortex" is to blame for extremely and scary cold temps in the northern Plains and Midwest making it feel like it is 50 degrees below zero.

Dennis Rodman and a bunch of old codger players are visiting North Korea to put on a basketball show for dictator Kim Jong Un—whose uncle will definitely not be in attendance.

Millennials are starting to make some real headway in their fight against criminally low wages. So maybe those idiots who keep calling them slackers can shut the face up.

Fifty-year-old Colleen Rose (AKA "Jihad Jane") is sentenced to 10 years in prison for her role in a plot to kill a Swedish artist who had offended Muslims. Surprise, she's mentally ill.

In sports, Colorado (ranked 20th) hands the Oregon Ducks (ranked 10th) their first loss of the season.

Happy 20th anniversary, Nancy Kerrigan getting smacked on the knee by an assailant hired by Tonya Harding!

R.I.P. Kutai, the Oregon Zoo's 20-year-old orangutan, who died after an extended illness and surgery.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny today, with increasing clouds in the mid-40s—but get ready for a rainy, blustery week ahead.

And finally, this Old Spice ad features moms mourning their sons being sprayed by manhood. Yes, it's as funny and disconcerting as it sounds.

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