This Week in the Mercury

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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jan 15, 2014 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Can't nobody stop the juice, so tell me baby, what's the use? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Senate Intelligence Committee released their damning report today on the Benghazi attack (that killed four Americans), saying it was "preventable" and that the situation was loused up by American diplomats and the CIA.

President Obama plans on putting some safeguards in place that would limit the NSA's sneaky peepingsome, but still not enough.

Meanwhile, experts reveal that the NSA has implanted software in nearly 100,000 computers around the globe, which they can use for either spying or perhaps a cyberattack. Depends on the mood they're in!

According to one woman, it wasn't the first time that Florida theater shooter Curtis Reeves overreacted about texting during movies. He allegedly glared at the texter for the entirety of the film and even followed her to the bathroom. EEEESHH!

The abortion controversy returns to the Supreme Court today, where they will hear arguments on whether protesters have the right to block entrances to care providers such as Planned Parenthood.

The FDA says that taking too much Acetaminophen (found in Tylenol) can wreck your liver—which you probably suspected, but now you can say it with some authority to your friends at parties.

Meanwhile a zoo in England is banning their monkeys from eating bananas, due to health reasons. IS THERE NO GOD??

Justin Bieber's home was searched by deputies following an egg-pelting incident (I'm not even surprised by statements like that anymore), and while drugs were found on one of his pals, they didn't say anything about eggs.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy today, but gorgeous, sunny, breezy weather through Saturday.

And finally, after watching this Japanese commercial, I only have one question: WHERE CAN I GET THOSE MINTS???

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