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Monday, January 20, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: Mistakes Were Made

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jan 20, 2014 at 10:28 AM

You missed the ball with your advice to WYWALB in the last column. She's the woman who's biggest fantasy was to be with two men at once.

Why is her BF exempt from GGG? Because seeing another guy naked, closing your eyes and pretending that the dude's mouth is a chick's mouth is something that no straight guy could ever do?

If he realized his FFM threesome fantasies with his GGG GF, he should consider stepping up to bat too. He can "not be attracted to guys" and still do a MMF threesome—one must compromise here! As far as "not being into it," well that doesn't sound very game! WYWALB should know that most guys who will date a bi woman would jump at the chance to swap a FFM for a MMF. A MMF will look mighty attractive to a lot of straight guys if it comes packaged with a FFM! Straight guys are much more afraid of being seen as gay by a lover though. So you need to make it clear that if their waistband is straining when their face is buried in your cooch, then there is no doubt that they are into you—even if they're simultaneously and/or accidentally licking a dick that's fucking you sometimes. WYWALB has been game for her guy, why shouldn't he be asked to step up and offer some extraordinary game as well?!?

I know that more women will choose to forgo their biggest fantasy for life, but I don't think that they should. More women also suffer from depression. You could have at least recommended to WYWALB that she seek out some professionals eventually—a pair of male escorts—although she'd probably have to travel for that. But she doesn't have to resign herself to giving up on her ultimate fantasy for life!

Representing For Female Fantasy

My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

My response to WYWALB was unclear... and as I sit and read it now, RFFF, it seems I wound up saying the opposite of what I meant to say. Mistakes were made, I'm deeply sorry, I feel humiliated and betrayed, and I intend to take full responsibility for this error by firing a few staff members. Maybe a copy editor or two. I mean, copy editors—their expendible, right?

But before I go and fire the copy editors, RFFF, allow me to clarify: When I told her WYWALB to "drop it," I didn't mean give up on her ultimate fantasy. I meant drop the idea of realizing her ultimate fantasy with her boyfriend—not into dudes at all (NIDAA)—and her bisexual male friend who had expressed a sexual interest in WYWALB and her NIDAA BF. Getting her BF into bed with that particular dude is a recipe for disaster and WYWALB shouldn't pursue it. But just as millions of not-at-all-bi women consent to FFM threesomes to please their straight male partners, straight men should be ready to step up to the plate and consent to MMF threesomes. That doesn't necessarily mean they have to sign up for boy-on-boy contact—and licking a dick that's fucking your girlfriend counts as boy-on-boy contact—but at the very least they should be willing to have a threesome in which both Ms are there to please and pleasure the F, but there's no M/M contact. Less MMF and more MFM.

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