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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Let's Stop Placating the "Professional Cuddler"

Posted by Alex Falcone on Tue, Jan 21, 2014 at 1:29 PM

cuddling.jpg
  • Flickr
Everybody lost their shit last month over a woman who charges $60/hour to touch you in a comforting but not sexual way. Now she's looking to open a storefront and hire some more uh... touchers. So of course she's getting another round of free advertising. And it needs to stop. Let's all stop humoring her and thereby giving credence to her silliness.

I'm not against a woman charging for cuddling per se, I think selling your body is great and should be legal. But I just don't think it's innovative or clever at all, and all the incredulous news stories makes it seem like she's breaking ground, when she's just doing entry-level work in the oldest profession.

News coverage of her is so amused by the idea of cuddles-for-dollars, they don't ask any questions at all about what qualifies her for this work (arm never falls asleep? doesn't bore easily?). The real story here isn't that she's selling her body and her attention, it's that people are agreeing to pay for it. Headlines should really be "Portland Woman Comes Up With Way To Make Money Despite Debilitating Liberal Arts Degree".

Of course, she insists she's quite skilled. On her website (not linked here because that's exactly my point), during a funny FAQ about boners, she says that she "makes a great big spoon." Do you know what makes a "great" big spoon? Anything alive that's behind you. There's no skill to being a big spoon. You don't even have to be bigger than the little spoon (I've tried). You make a completely average big spoon because that's all anybody can be.

Again, I'm not against her having this "business." It's legal to sell bullshit to people. But please let this be the last story written about her anywhere until the inevitable "local cuddler goes out of business when clientele realizes she is serious about just cuddling."

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