This Week in the Mercury

I, Anonymous

Columns

I, Anonymous

Stranger Danger


One Day at a Time

Columns

One Day at a Time

The Week in Review



Thursday, January 30, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: Earlabia

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 30, 2014 at 10:29 AM

Originally posted on September 21, 2011.

1. Thirty-year-old gay man here. I was briefly dating someone until he was a huge asshole to me. I have since not had any contact with him. However, I have been Facebook stalking him and obsessing over pictures of the guys I assume he's dating now. Why am I having such a hard time getting over him? Our relationship was so brief! He's a major asshole!

2. It may help you to know that I lost my virginity by being raped when I was 19. I started dating only last year, because I thought sex was scary and never wanted to feel like that again and/or make anyone else feel like that. (The guy who raped me went on to become a born-again Christian!) This guy is only the second person I've ever dated. Do you think that's relevant?

3. I used to have stretched-out earlobes. When I took my plugs out, I did get "earlabia," but only for a few days, and then they closed up and no one really noticed.

Normal Earlobes Now

My response after the jump...

1. I can't know for sure! But it sounds like you might still have feelings for this guy! Just a hunch!

2. I'm sorry that your very first sexual experience was so traumatic, NEN, and indeed it strikes me as relevant. You were violated and powerless during your very first sexual experience and now, 10 years later, your relationship ended in a way that left you feeling violated and powerless. Stalking your ex on Facebook gives you a feeling of power over him, NEN, but that power is bogus, stalking him is making you miserable, and it's pushing back the date that you're finally over this guy. Knock it off.

3. You've given me hope for all the otherwise cute boys I see wandering around with stretched-out earlabia.

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy