(YAY! It's always fun when we get to trot out our "Snowpocalypse!!" tag.) Portland Public Schools are closing at 1 pm today—watch out for mean kids with snowballs—and here's what the local weather folks are saying about this year's first... SNOWPOCALYPSE!

From Fox 12:

Snowfall is headed towards the metro area Thursday. 1-4" can be expected later this afternoon across all parts of the northern Willamette valley.

From KGW:

For Portland and Vancouver, 3-6 inches are likely, but the southern parts of the Metro area could see as much as 6+ inches, with 8 inches possible in the central & southern Valley.

From KATU:

Tonight, steady snow turns to snow showers. Lows will drop to around 18. Expect a fairly quiet and cold day for much of the day Friday. However, another batch of snow is rolling in for Saturday, with even heavier accumulations likely.

The subliminal message to take from all this? PANIC!!!! (This is your cue to leave a bunch of dismissive "Portland doesn't know how to handle snow" remarks in the comments below. ENGAGE.)