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Friday, February 7, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Feb 7, 2014 at 9:27 AM

IF YOU THOUGHT YESTERDAY WAS A SNOWY SHITSHOW, what with the snow, bitter wind, and remarkably fragile state of our public transit system, hopefully you can stay home today like a solid two-thirds of the city, watching the remarkable winter scenery from your windows. Because today's shaping up like a lousy rerun, with several more inches of snow expected in time for the evening commute. Government offices and places like the Zoo are closed. Here's a list of warming shelters open for the next several days.

"Fuck the EU." An American diplomat is apologizing after she was heard making disparaging comments about our trans-Atlantic allies in a leaked recording of a private conversation. The conversation was leaked by our "friends" in Russia. Russia is angry we've decided to step onto their front lawn and help sort the chaos in Ukraine, accusing the State Department of "crudely interfering."

Russia would rather we all spend time congratulating them for the duct-tape, plaster of Paris, and glitter they've spread liberally over Sochi in time for today's Winter Olympics opening ceremony.

In Syria, taking a break from shelling your own civilian population after years of civil war, so you can pretend to negotiate a peace deal in Geneva, is being charitably referred to as a "humanitarian pause."

The National Security Agency is collecting only 30 percent or so of Americans' phone call data, down from almost 100 percent in 2006. That might be good news, except the NSA is trying to get back up to perfection.

You should blame the latest jobs report—described as "weak" because it added only 113,000 jobs, below expectations—on nationally crippling winter weather instead of Barack Obama.

Delightful Joe Biden seems to be getting pretty interested in running for president again. Which appears to be brilliant planning by Hillary Clinton's political machine.

Kate Brown's office says it doesn't know when it will revive its website—including the secretary of state's campaign finance records and business registry—in the wake of a hack attack. Officials say voting records, on a separate database, were untouched.

Jay Leno finished up his second final show as Tonight Show host last night. Here's a concise history of why everyone but flyover rubes too lazy to read in bed or get frisky hated his guts.

BUT ONCE UPON A TIME? PEOPLE LIKED JAY LENO. A LOT. HERE'S HOW IT ALL STARTED.

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