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Monday, February 10, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 10, 2014 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! It's a warning, it's in every tongue. Gotta stop those crazy horses on the run. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Freezing rain is falling right now on all that slush outside—but expect warming temperatures to work its magic later on in the day.

An inside source tells the AP that the Obama administration is considering killing an American terror suspect who has ties to al Qaeda. Or we could maybe capture him and throw his ass in jail. Let's not forget that option!

Papers are released from the early days of Bill Clinton's presidential campaign, which paints Hillary Clinton in a strong, positive light... though the media seems to be pouncing on the word "ruthless." (Apparently they don't appreciate a woman who can "lean in.")

If things continue on their current track, All-American and SEC Defensive Player of the Year Michael Sam could be the first openly gay player in NFL history.

US attorney Eric Holder is expected to announce a new Justice Department directive about legally married same-sex couples, saying they should "receive equal benefits and treatment in areas like federal lawsuits and the U.S. court system, as well as in federal prisons." The usual suspects don't like this.

Mt.Gox, the major exchange for bitcoin, has put a ban on all customer withdrawals until their technical problems can be worked out—and bitcoin prices dropped like a rock.

Here's a headline no one wants to read: "Dismembered in Front of Kids, Fed to Lions—Zoo Kills Giraffe."

And here's a headline everyone wants to read: "Openly Gay Medalist 'Cuddles' with Putin."

Here's a list of Olympic advertisers that have come out in support of LGBTQ rights.

Surveillance video is the "smoking gun" needed by prosecutors in the Justin Bieber egging case, and now they have it—or should I say, "smoking egg."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: The aforementioned freezing rain will turn into regular old wet rain, and will be with us every day for the foreseeable future.

And finally, this snow-shoveling kid asks for some divine assistance—BUT HE AIN'T GONNA GET IT! Hahahahaahaaaaa!!

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