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Friday, February 14, 2014

There Sure Are a Lot of Shitty Valentine's Movies This Year! Here's What You Should Go See Instead!

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 14, 2014 at 2:58 PM

ROBOCOP On second thought, probably shouldve made it say RoboCock.
  • ROBOCOP On second thought, probably should've made it say "RoboCock."

This year's heaping, steaming serving of shitty, cynical romance movies somehow seems to be even shittier and more cynical than ever before—and we've got reviews of all of them! Ned saw Winter's Tale, Zac saw Endless Love, and Elinor saw About Last Night. In fact, Elinor's About Last Night review might best sum up how awful all of these movies are:

I know that lots of people like Valentine's Day, and lots of people like romantic comedies! But About Last Night is not romance; it's the plastic-wrapped, heart-shaped garbage that you bought at Rite Aid on your way over with a single rose that's already withering (like your youth and your dreams). About Last Night is a cheap, mass-produced idea of romance that pretends to be sweet, when it's actually just some crap that will probably give you cancer. And then you'll die alone.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!

We've also got reviews of everything else that came out this week—RoboCop and Gloria—as well as reviews of Ben Wheatley's A Field in England (that's available on demand) and Peter Dinklage's Shame, better known as Knights of Badassdom (that's at the Clinton Street Theater and the Living Room Theaters, as well as on demand).

While I'm on this Valentine's theme, now seems as good of a time as any for me to remind you that if you are in fact going out to the movies with a special someone this evening, don't be fucking idiot. Don't go see the movies I talked about at the top of this post. Instead, go see something good: Wild at Heart at the Hollywood, or True Romance at the Academy, or Punch-Drunk Love at Fifth Avenue Cinema, or—even better—The Lego Movie, which, more than anything else currently in theaters, is sweet and smart and funny and does a remarkable job of making you foolishly believe, if only for an hour or two, that life is worth living, that everything is awesome, and that you won't die miserable and alone!

THE LEGO MOVIE Awwww.
  • THE LEGO MOVIE Awwww.

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