I didn't watch Hollywood's Prom last night, so I have no idea what happened! Did Wolf of Wall Street and Inside Llewyn Davis and Frances Ha and The Act of Killing win everything? If not, I don't care! I'll look up who won later. (I'm guessing Her got the token we-can't-give-you-Best-Picture-because-you-don't-appeal-to-mainstream-audiences-enough-so-here's-Best-Original-Screenplay, and I'm guessing 12 Years a Slave won everything else. Am I right? Hey, maybe instead of watching a four-hour-long infomercial about it, people should have watched 12 Years a Slave.)
ANYWAY, none of that even matters because look! It's the best thing that has happened to the internet so far today, AND it's Wolf of Wall Street -related! That makes me want to hazard another guess, actually: Wolf of Wall Street didn't win anything, because Americans don't like comedies about how gullible and powerless they are? I know I'm right about that one.
Okay! Enough shit-talking! Time for Star Trek!
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!