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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 9:29 AM

The war drumbeat is slowing. Some of those thuggish dissidents in Ukraine who've been stoking the flames of chaos, in a bid to invite the Russians over, have maybe decided not to be such pains in the ass. Polls show most people in the cities they're mucking up aren't so interested.

But not the steady beat of American grievances. Remember Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the jihadist boxer who helped plot the Boston Marathon bombings with his kid brother? A new report accuses the Russians of holding back important intelligence that might/maybe/probably would have earned Tsarnaev a bit more scrutiny before the attack.

The FBI has new rules against profiling. But those rules won't actually touch many of the most troubling methods, in our post-September 11 xenophobic era, that have civil liberties advocates in a tizzy.

The real question on marriage equality—whether it's constitutional or not (it is)—is one step closer to the US Supreme Court today. A court in Denver is taking up Utah's appeal of a ruling that same-sex marriage is legal. And arguments over a similar appeal in Oklahoma appeal are only a few more weeks away.

Unemployment claims are as low as they've been in seven years. Congratulations! We've finally fired everyone we can fire!

A hitman with 32 years murdering for a drug cartel (allegedly) is going to confess. Pleasantly. “He was pretty forthright,” said Errek Jett, the Lawrence County district attorney in Alabama. “In essence, he told them he had had a long life of it and now he was ready to 'fess up.”

The stench of manufactured Sriracha—reputedly the scourge of eyes, noses, and throats in a large penumbra around its Southern California factory—has been declared a public nuisance. It's a war that won't stop. The factory now has 90 days to make the smell stop smelling.

Marines won't mind if you cut their pay—a possibility under consideration in Washington. Because it will make them angrier! And when they're angry they just want to ask "into whose neck do we put a boot next?"

A horrific hit-and-run crash, in which one hillbilly car pushed another off the road and into a Florida day care center, has left one girl dead and 14 other people injured.

A city official in Florida was found with meth in his bloodstream and a meth pipe in his butt. He was reassigned to a different department.

Of course this is in Florida, too: State lawmakers hustled their teenage interns out of the House of Representatives so they wouldn't be contaminated by sin during a debate on abortion.

No, they still haven't found that damned plane in the Indian Ocean. A lot of the world's dirty garbage. Not so much the wreckage of a plane.

We're Number 1! The Americas now top Africa as the murder-iest region in all the world!

I CAN'T HATE THIS. IT'S LIKE THE FIRST TIME WE SAW THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES ON THE NEIGHBORS' COLOR SET.

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