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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Apr 16, 2014 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! We rollin' on twenties, with the top back. So much money, you can't stop that. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced his plans to create the country's largest gun control organization, designed to rival the NRA. In response, gun owners cried, peed their pants, and bought more guns.

A terrible ferry disaster in South Korea leads to the deaths of four, with 292 missing.

Vladimir Putin continues to test President Obama's threats—in much the same way my big brother used to say, "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you" while pointing his finger a half inch away from my nose.

According to a new poll, most Americans prefer the Democrat's style of healthcare over the Republicans. In other words, Americans prefer "something" over "nothing."

Hey everybody, thanks to Heartbleed, let's change all our passwords today. Here are the ones to focus on. (Just tell me if I need to change my password for Tinder!!)

Republican Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn insists the GOP isn't sexist because... because.... SUSAN B. ANTHONY!

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed a bill into law allowing authorities to make surprise inspections of the state's abortion clinics without obtaining a warrant... because who cares about the law, really?

Meanwhile Oklahoma passes a law banning a mininum wage hike AND requiring employers to provide a certain number of sick leave or vacation days. They will learn fairly soon that this was a terrible idea.

In honor of the Mercury's Marijuana Guide coming out today, here's a reminder from CNN that casual pot use may DAMAGE YOUR BRAIN. (So use it more than casually!)

Miley Cyrus has been hospitalized due to a severe reaction to antibiotics. She's okay, though, as evidenced by her tweets filled with misspellings and curse words.

Today's the day for TriMet to reveal the name for the new pedestrian bridge—prepare for disappointment!

A Portland police officer (and perhaps his K9 dog) were shot this morning, and while the suspect has been arrested, and the suspect has been captured, the possibly injured German Shepherd ran away and is still missing. UPDATE: The dog received a fatal gunshot wound and has been found. More here.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Rainy today and tomorrow, but partial sun returns on Friday and things are looking good for a sunny Easter.

And finally, I'll be going into our weekly editorial meeting soon, and the following video perfectly encapsulates the relationship I have with my staff. (No, I'm not the baby... I'm the DADDY!)


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