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Monday, April 21, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 21, 2014 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! So, stop the complaints and drop the order restraints. Our sex life's a game so bat me down in the paint. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

More than 30,000 runners join today's Boston Marathon—on the anniversary of last year's bombing tragedy.

A terrifying 234 girls may be missing, and probably kidnapped by Islamic extremists who attacked a Nigerian school last week.

Russia is blaming a right-wing Ukrainian group for a shootout on Easter morning that left three people dead in Slovyansk—though the Ukrainian Security Service is telling a different story.

And when Russian forces provided a business card as "proof" that it was the right-wing separatist group that caused the shoot-out, they were roundly mocked on Twitter. Welcome to the internet, Rooskies!

Meanwhile, Vice President Joe Biden landed in Kiev today to maybe help matters between Ukraine and Russia? Hmm? Maybe?

A drone finds a 1,000 year old village! (And then bombs it.)

Yesterday was also 4/20, and hundreds of happy pot smokers gathered on top of Mount Tabor here in Portland, while others packed a former Rainier brewery building in Seattle, blazing up and listening to reggae music. Meanwhile the Easter bunny shook his head in disgust.

A teenage runaway somehow survives freezing temperatures after climbing into the wheel well of a jet that flew up to 38,000 feet on a trip from California to Hawaii. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

Kraft recalls 96,000 pounds of Oscar Meyer weiners [fill in any number of jokes here].

In the first round series opener, the Blazers knock off the Rockets in a 122-120 squeaker of a victory.

This Wednesday, Oregon's same-sex marriage ban goes before a federal judge—and so far? No one has submitted legal arguments for upholding the ban. (Don't pop it yet... but chill the champagne.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A cool, wet week ahead with temps in the mid-50s.

And finally, a Springer Spaniel sees a squirrel and screams at it like Xena, Warrior Princess. (Bad dog!)

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