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Monday, May 5, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: He's Single, Ladies

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 5, 2014 at 10:29 AM

Offered without comment...

This is a response for TIRED in your column from the April 16-22 issue.

I recently got out of a relationship where I treated the woman much as your boyfriend treats you, TIRED. I wanted to know who she slept with. I wanted to know how they fucked her. I wanted to know if she liked it. I wanted to know why she gave herself to them. (For the record, as if it matters, she ended it, after I ended it a half dozen times and kept coming back. Yeah, the sex was that epic.)

She was my property, my sex slave, the recipient of my penetration. Yes I come from a long line of dominant males, originating all the way back from when mammals first evolved. I was born this way. No I am not insecure, I just require my woman to submit to me. The relationship will not work otherwise. Every couple has a leader and a follower, a dominant and a submissive. Some more subtly distinct than others. But always, one person takes the lead, if not at all times, at the very least a slight majority of the time. Without this leadership, conflict dominates as "equality" get sought on a constant basis.

Which is not to say I don't enjoy a challenge. So these roles I cast us in, they need not go spoken. Because my last girlfriend, she was a work in progress. And she did show signs of slowly coming over to the dark side. To my side. She resisted, and that turned me on even more. The liaison did not suffer from lack of passion. I got her wetter than ever.

So before you heed Savage's advice and resolve that this dude's just an "asshole," and before you even listen to the boyfriend who pouts and claims insecurity, consider that he may not have found himself yet. Consider some role play, an element I believe absolutely imperative to a healthy relationship. Take turns, but remember, in the end he's the boss. Because from what you wrote, that seems what he evidently desires.
Or you could just end it and find a sissy boy.

Look for a guy who doesn't give a shit about your past. Look for a guy who wants you to fuck him with a strap on—because anatomy matters, and the way men and women are designed, guys obviously deserve to be on top more, or play the active, assertive role more often. Not always, but more often. You may be happier with a guy who doesn't give a shit about your past and wants you to fuck him. But such a guy would not care about you enough to rush into a burning building to rescue your ass.

Wearing The Pants

Thanks for the second opinion, WTP. But TIRED? You might wanna consult this chart before you pick a guy based on WTP's burning building scenario.

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