Welcome to the Future!
Doctor Governor John Kitzhaber was being driven to dinner in downtown Portland last night when he saw a woman on the ground, in distress, unconscious, possibly after having overdosed. He bolted from his car and personally performed CPR until paramedics could take the woman to a hospital.
"My job was embarrassing—I had to have a job!" Le. Sigh. Today, he's a pious, anti-marriage-equality Senate candidate from North Carolina. But a decade ago? He was a drag queen, named Miss Mona Sinclair, working at a North Carolina nightclub.
Insidious climate disruption is wrecking America. In an 800-page report full of peer-reviewed studies, "the country's leading scientists" lay out an obvious list of bad things already happening: crop failures in California, drought, flooding from torrential storms, storm surges, sea level increases, record heat, wildfires, and pest and weed invasions.
China's contingency plans for the collapse of neighboring North Korea have been leaked in embarrassing fashion. (Presuming they're real.) Look for massive refugee camps along the countries' border and jail cells for North Korea's leadership.
Russian spy planes have been spotted as far from the old Soviet mainland as the California coast—a development inspired by international tension over unrest in Ukraine. Dozens have been killed in fighting with pro-Russian separatists, putting the region on the precipice of a real war. President Obama, attempting to pressure Russia not to let that happen, has urged America's CEOs to keep away from a prestigious economic forum in Moscow later this year.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford might be missing? He hopped a plane to Chicago, where he keeps a home, but turned around before formally trying to enter the country. Where's he at now? No one will say specifically. "He’s in rehab, he’s doing good, that’s all that matters."
Staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel may leave you feeling old-fashionedly glamorous. But you'll be giving money to the Sultan of Brunei, who just imposed fundamentalist Islamic law on his people.
An Occupy Wall Street protester faces seven years in prison, after she was convicted of elbowing a cop in the face. The jury seemed content to ignore why that elbow might have flown: Cecily McMillan says the cop she struck had grabbed her breast—hard enough to leave bruises (that were photographed)—and she reacted without even realizing who he was.
Our April 16 report on the arrest of a nine-year-old girl—she was handcuffed and taken from her mother—stirred outrage and helped prompt discussion of policy changes in city hall. On the eve of a citizen panel's hearing on the subject this Wednesday, the Oregonian has finally picked up the story.
Coca-Cola has given up its long, lonely vigil against spontaneous combustion in humans. It's agreed to stop pouring a patented flame retardant, brominated vegetable oil, into its citrus and sports drinks.
THE FEELING'S REAL. YOU KNOW IT CAN'T BE BEAT. (BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BEAT THE FEELING.)