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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, May 21, 2014 at 9:32 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You don't have no business in this. Here's your papers, baby, you are dismissed. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Okay, let's see what all your voting in last night's election got you: The proposed water district went down hard, Saltzman and Fish retain their seats, Rep. Deborah Kafoury defeated the wannabe comeback kid James Francesconi, Gov. Kitzhaber will go up against Republican Dennis Richardson in November, and DOCTOR! Monica Wehby will face Sen. Merkley in the fall. Don't like those results? Well, less than 50 percent voted in this election, so blame the person next to you. Get all the hot and sweaty details from last nights vote-a-thon HERE.

And here's a quick looky-loo at what happened nationally in Tuesday's primaries.

Nigerian Islamist militants have been very busy killing people: 26 people in two separate attacks last night, only hours after murdering 118 with a bomb.

Six Iranians decided to make a dancing video set to Pharrell Williams' "Happy"... and were promptly thrown in jail. (I guess that song is really getting on their nerves!)

Same-sex marriage won two big battles this week in Oregon and Pennsylvania—but marriages remain on hold in Idaho waiting on the decision of an appeal from the state's homophobic governor.

And because they continue to hate America, House Republicans blocked legislation that would offer citizenship to immigrants who want to serve in the military.

Meanwhile President Obama's choice for a federal appeals court judge, David Barron, is taking some heat for his role in authorizing a drone strike against an American citizen... who also happened to be a top member of al-Qaida.

President Obama is also promising swift and firm action if accusations of fraudulent record keeping that led to deadly wait times for veterans seeking medical help, are true.

Chipotle restaurant is now asking its customers not to bring firearms into their place of business, after gun rights advocates brought military assault rifles into their restaurant. SEE? Now they've ruined it for everybody!!

Hackers broke into eBay and stole a bunch of information, so before you buy that Urkel lunchbox... you know the drill... change your password!

Wheel of Fortune's Pat Sajak posts a tweet denying global warming, and now faces the ire of the internet.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Mostly sunny with highs in the upper 70s through Sunday!

And finally, it's gonna be a beautiful day, guys. So take Bert and Zachary Levi's advice: GO OUT AND PLAY.

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