What's that, then? You're dying to know who and what emerged victorious in yesterday's most interesting primaries, and only the Mercury can tell you? You're in luck. We've got some free time, and we're great at taking screenshots. (Need more context? Check out our endorsements, and our delightful live blog, and our full story in this week's issue (online later). Need less context? There were no close local races, and the establishment won.)

•Let's start with city races. In the biggest bit of news, Measure 26-156, the proposal to put Portland's water and sewer bureaus in the hands of a new board, was rightly drowned. The latest tallies:

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This is one many people weren't sure how to call. Newspaper editorial boards and a wide range of organizations had come out against the proposal, but it also had an emotional and palatable (if misleading) message about the city's high utility rates. The bartender at Club 21, where Portlanders for Water Reform had its election night shindig, was flabbergasted when she heard the measure had failed. "Why wouldn't people want someone checking on utility rates?" she asked. Which is precisely the question backers of the Portland Public Water District wanted people to ask.

•Incumbent city commissioners Dan Saltzman and Nick Fish cruised to victory, as expected.

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•What everyone assumed would be the most-contested local race was nothing of the sort. Former Multnomah County Commissioner Deborah Kafoury handily beat Jim Francesconi (and others). She'll finish out former County Chair Jeff Cogen's unexpired term, and get a new one all her own.

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•The race for Multnomah County Commission District 1 also looked like it might be tight. But again, the establishment candidate got all of the love. State Rep. Jules Bailey beat winsome local businessman Brian Wilson by a country mile. Sitting Multnomah County Commissioner Loretta Smith, facing less credible competition, didn't break a sweat.

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•Pediatric surgeon Monica Wehby, despite a bunch of unflattering personal coverage in the last week, beat out Tea Party-backed State Rep. Jason Conger in the Republican primary. She'll face US Sen. Jeff Merkley in November.

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•Current Metro Council President Tom Hughes is also future Metro Council President Tom Hughes.

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Here are the rest of the results for Multnomah County.

Here are the statewide results.