Fun perks of being a high-ranking Portland police official: You can flash your gun, enraged, at another motorist while off-duty, be accused of inappropriately touching female colleagues while on-duty, and not only will the police chief refuse to follow a recommendation to fire you, you won't even be demoted. An arbitrator has ruled now-Lieutenant Todd Wyatt should never have been demoted from captain for those offenses. He should just be suspended for two months.

No! A six-vehicle crash on the New Jersey Turnpike has killed one man, and left comedian Tracy Morgan in critical condition. The "limousine bus" Morgan was in collided with a semi.

The shotgun-wielding young man who attacked Seattle Pacific University students on Thursday had given clear signs for years something like this might be in the cards. He called 911 in 2010, reporting "a rage inside him," and in 2012 expressed a wish to die in a hail of police gunfire. He'd sometimes try to win friends by leaving "rambling phone messages about guns."

So the US has Bowe Bergdahl, and Qatar has the five Taliban leaders whose release bought his freedom. Now Qatar just has to keep a leash on them.

So. Much. Hypocrisy. From Republicans on this Bergdahl situation. Is the bald-facedness of this stuff getting worse, or am I, goldfish-like, merely forgetting last week's terrible hypocrisies?

Speaking of shameful behavior, check out these allegations against Clackamas County leaders.

Welcome, Wisconsin! The Dairy State (that's accurate, right?) is the latest site of a federal ruling overturning a ban on same-sex marriage. That may soon be put on hold pending appeal, so couples are blitzing the altar.

Lesson in personal myth-making: Don't talk to anyone. I like Calvin and Hobbes fine, but apparently skipped the level of fandom that has people breathless over reclusive creator Bill Watterson's three-day stint drawing Pearls Before Swine. "Like getting a call from bigfoot," says that strip's creator.

Ukraine officially has a new president, billionaire chocolate magnate Petro Poroshenko. Not much else has changed in the country's ongoing internal warring.

Militants in Iraq have taken hundreds of university students and faculty hostage.

The payoff was always stupid, but everything else about Tracy Morgan's Astronaut Jones skits was a delight.