This Week in the Mercury

Film Shorts

Film

Film Shorts

In Which We Hit It and Quit It


Everything as Fuck

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

It's Alison Hallett's Worst. Night. Ever.

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Tue, Jul 8, 2014 at 9:59 AM

1370906261-1274824543-1274200773-1273510254-worst.jpg

Welcome back to the Blogtown series we like to call "Worst. Night. Ever." Every Wednesday during our weekly "My, What a Busy Week" pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, these "risky" events are often unfairly pushed aside. WELL, NO MORE. Instead of allowing what could be entirely worthy events to vanish forever, we're asking you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend... whether we like it or not!

Every week an editorial staff member will be presented with three events that do not match their personality or interests... like, AT ALL. And here's the fun part: YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer. Afterward he or she will review it right here on the blog! NOTE: Everyone's taste is different, right? So while attending a Taylor Swift listening party might make Courtney claw her eyes out, Steve might love it! That's why you might find a perfectly pleasant event or two in the list below. Also, competitors must stay for at least two hours (or until the event is over, whichever comes first) and are not allowed to get drunk, or use any substances (drugs) or distractions (phone/reading material) to dull the pain they may experience. Now let's see who is up this week:

ARTS EDITOR ALISON HALLETT'S WORST. NIGHT. EVER.

When I think about stuff Alison is into, it's like: cats, books, Twitter. One of the Mercury's toughest critics, she has little to no tolerance for misogyny or intellectual laziness of any sort (except for when she does). And while she can usually muster her sense of humor in uncomfortable situations, we think we've come up with a good list of things to make her squirm. But it's up to YOU, Blogtown, to choose the squirmiest of them all. (Protip: While part of your reward might be her punishment in general, try to picture which of these situations might also yield the most intriguing follow-up report. Just a tip!)

UNROCK THE BOWL. Alison gets uncomfortable whenever someone floats a WNE contender that involves feats of physical strength, but she never said anything about plain old manual labor. With this option she'll be working alongside volunteers with the Human Access Project to literally remove rocks from the Tom McCall Bowl beach in downtown Portland so that the rest of us can have a more barefoot-friendly beach experience right in the center of the city (thank you!). The rock moving happens from noon until 5 pm on Saturday, a day that my weather app tells me will reach a high of 95 degrees! Better break out the SPF 50, Alison, and get ready to "show off your rippling muscles"!

CURIOUS COMEDY OPEN MIC. We're fixated on the opportunity to force one of our staffers to perform stand-up comedy. Someone's gonna do it before the summer's out, damn it. Alison might be the best among us to give it a whirl, too. In addition to covering local theater, she's also one of our resident experts when it comes to the city's stand-up and improv scene, spearheading the paper's coverage of Bridgetown and other lafftastic events. She's not afraid to apply her sharp critiques to this art form either, so what will happen if the tables are turned and she's held up for scrutiny by a community she routinely and publicly passes judgment on? Laughter or tears? Laughter and tears?

RUMBLE AT THE ROSELAND. It's safe to say that Alison vastly prefers to do battle by her wits rather than her fists. Generally averse to violence and meatheadery of all sorts, forcing Alison to stand by (ideally in blood-splashingly close range) as young men attempt to destroy each other by any means necessary should rattle her sensibilities up pretty nicely. At the very least, being in a huge crowd of surging testosterone and bloodlust should keep her stimulated and at ease.

Polling closes at 5 pm tomorrow. Her fate is in your hands. (Also keep in mind that next week is Denis' Worst. Night. Ever! Got any discomfortable events for him? The time frame is July 17-20, so leave your ideas in the comments!)

Comments (15)

Showing 1-15 of 15

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-15 of 15

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy