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Monday, July 21, 2014

SL Letter of the Day: Business Solicitations

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jul 21, 2014 at 10:29 AM

I am on vacation for all of July. But I've invited Dr. David J. Ley to handle the Savage Love letters of the day. Dr. Ley is a writer and clinical psychologist who has written very smartly about sex, in his books The Myth of Sex Addiction and Insatiable Wives. Find his other writing at Psychology Today and his Twitter: @DrDavidLey. Dr. Ley will be answering your questions all this week. —Dan

Dear Dan,

I have a steamy relationship with a prostitute. We have great rapport and even better sex. From time to time she sends me sexy text messages, which I always reply to and which sometimes lead to an encounter. I like this woman, and I believe she likes me, but I'm not naive. I know the sexy texts are probably just business solicitations, and she probably sends them to a ton of guys. But I do believe she cares about me in a provider-client sort of way, which is how I care for her. Just like a friendly bartender and a nice regular might grow fond of each other.

I'm in a personal romantic relationship with a woman now, and I'd like to be faithful to her. This means dumping my sexy professional companion. It also means those texts she sends are now potential land mines that could fuck things up for me.

Do I explicitly end it with her, Dan, the way I would for a girlfriend? Or do I just block her number and drop off the face of the earth?

Blow Off My Prostitute?

Dr. Ley's response after the jump...

Dear BOMP, I try to be a gentleman. I think it’s important and responsible. I grew up in the South, and I still get in trouble for saying sir and ma’am, way too much. I tend to think that if you’ve repeatedly put your genitalia in or on somebody, that you owe them the courtesy of an email, text, card or phone call when circumstances change. Maybe that’s old-fashioned of me. Plus, do you really want to treat her like crap when you might want to get back in her pants at some point, if this relationship doesn’t go well?

Drop her a text that you’re in a relationship now, off the market, and ask her to remove you from her mailing list. Thank her for your time together. Then delete her texts.

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