This Week in the Mercury

Trunk

Feature

Trunk

Wm. Steven Humphrey


Hornswoggle

Film

Hornswoggle

Harry Potter Talks to Snakes (Again) in Horns



Thursday, July 31, 2014

It's Courtney Ferguson's Worst. Night. EVER!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 1:44 PM

1403028412-1370906261-1274824543-1274200773-1273510254-worst.jpg
Welcome back to the Blogtown series we like to call "Worst. Night. Ever." Every Wednesday when we're discussing our event picks for the week, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, these "risky" events are often unfairly pushed aside. WELL, NO MORE. Instead of allowing what could be entirely worthy events to vanish forever, we're asking you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend... whether we like it or not!

Every week an editorial staff member will be presented with three events that do not match their personality or interests... like, AT ALL. And here's the fun part: YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer. Afterward he or she will review it right here on the blog! NOTE: Everyone's taste is different, right? So while a tiny stripper lube-wrestling match might make Alison feel uncomfortable (down there), Ned might think it's the cat's pajamas! That's why you might find a perfectly pleasant event or two in the list below. Also, competitors must stay for at least two hours (or until the event is over, whichever comes first) and are not allowed to get drunk, or use any substances (drugs) or distractions (phone/reading material) to dull the pain they may experience. Now let's see who is up this week:

COPY CHIEF COURTNEY FERGUSON'S WORST. NIGHT. EVER.

Now the thing that's going to happen next is going to piss some of you off to no end—so please believe me when I say, I. DO. NOT. GIVE. A. SINGLE. FUCK.

It's well known that Courtney has a thing for horror movies... but would she feel the same way if she was IN the horror movie? That's why we're not giving you any real choice of events, and we're sending Courtney this weekend to stay overnight at the GREAT HORROR CAMPOUT.

Maybe you've seen the billboards for this thing around town, and was curious about what goes on there. We are, too! That's why we're sending Courtney to this serial killer-themed campout, which is located in the wilds of Beaver Creek, Oregon and according to the website is...

A 12-hour, overnight, interactive horror camping adventure. Campers can choose their level of engagement when they choose their activities and tent zone. The experience can be an extreme horror adventure or a more mild horror adventure. It’s completely up to the camper.

Naturally, we're sending Courtney on the MOST EXTREME HORROR ADVENTURE in which she'll have to share a tent with four total strangers (one of whom might try to hack her into tiny pieces). The organizers advise her to bring a white t-shirt that she doesn't mind getting bloody (??), an underwater snorkle mask (??), and a few changes of underwear (I get that one). Also, apparently she is not allowed to touch the killers, but they are allowed to "touch, bind, and kidnap" her. (GULP!) However, the organizers are quick to point out that it's "all in fun" and there's "no actual danger"... but isn't that exactly what a serial murderer WOULD say?

I also tried to force her to wear a bikini the entire time (like they always do in those sex-crazed teen horror flicks), but our HR department ruined my fun once again. BOOOOOOO, HR!!!! Anyway, that's what she's gonna be doing this weekend for Worst. Night. EVER!, and since I know you're going to cry and moan about not being given a choice this week, you can still offer suggestions in the comments about what she should wear or do, and we'll at least allow you to a chance to vote on something. So go ahead. Cast your useless vote.

Comments (8)

Showing 1-8 of 8

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-8 of 8

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy