GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Why'd you tell me this, while you look for my reaction. What do you need to know? Don't you know I'll always be the one? LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Mourners are currently lining up to pay their respects at the funeral of Michael Brown, the teenager murdered by Ferguson police.
House Homeland Security Chair Rep. Michael McCaul claims that Islamist State militants (ISIS) won't be stopping with the murder of journalist James Foley, and is intent on spreading further terror here in America. (Ugh, it's only Monday. Can't we reschedule panic until Wednesday?)
Syria agrees to help the US in our fight against ISIS, but warns that they won't stand for airstriking the group within their borders without their consent. They know us too well.
Russian tanks were spotted crossing the border into Ukraine—though Russian officials are all like, "What tanks? What border? What Ukraine?"
President Obama returns from vacation... cue Republicans screaming, "WHAT??? HOW DARE YOU PLAY GOLF WHILE THE WORLD IS IN FLAMES AND WE'RE ALSO NOT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP???"
Obama has also ordered a review of how military hardware is distributed to racist podunk police departments. Oh, hello, Ferguson.
Texas felon/governor Rick Perry is trying to turn his criminal record into another possible presidential run.
Openly gay NFL draftee Michael Sam is already making waves on the preseason field... but is it enough to make the team?
At last night's MTV Video Music Awards, Miley Cyrus steals the show again... and twerking was not involved! To accept her award for "Wrecking Ball" Miley sent a homeless young man from Oregon (!!) to the stage, and the national spotlight.
Bullets fly at Chris Brown's post-VMA party last night, with three people getting shot including "Suge" Knight.
Actor/director Richard Attenborough (best known for his Oscar-winning Ghandi) died yesterday at the age of 90.
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Welcome back to HOT. 88 today, with temps creeping back up to 90 by Wednesday.
And finally, another entry for the Mercury's Pet Week: A Macaw parrot races his owner (who's on a scooter). Both need to be wearing helmets, SHEESH!