American bombs will rain down upon the Islamic State in two countries now, President Obama announced last night—committing the United States to yet another war, in Syria and Iraq, while calling for an international coalition to back him up. Does he need Congress' approval? In short, no. What about the Syria's? In short, maybe—lest they see American strikes, even against a common threat, as an act of aggression. Secretary of State John Kerry's already trying to win widespread support from Arab nations in a bid for extra legitimacy.

GODDAMMIT, MISSOURI. The governor who's been weirdly ineffectual during the Ferguson protests mustered the gumption to veto a bill imposing a strict, no-exceptions 72-hour delay for all abortions. State lawmakers promptly overrode that veto. Only two other states have 72-hour delays—South Dakota and Utah, except Utah still makes allowances for rape and incest.

Someone in the NFL is lying. Or something. The AP obtained proof that someone in the league office had seen video of Ray Rice knocking out his then-fiancé in an elevator months ago—not this week like NFL officials had claimed. Drowning in bad press, the league (worth billions of dollars) has asked a former FBI director to investigate.

My favorite North American mayor, Toronto's Rob Ford (sorry, Charlie!), has been hospitalized because of pain from what appears to be an abdominal tumor. Amazingly, this might be the thing that finally persuades Ford—caught smoking crack and making racist comments, and never shy about saying lascivious things on camera—to give up on seeking re-election.

Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius, accused of shooting his girlfriend to death in his bathroom in the middle of the night, has been found not guilty of murder. But he may yet face a manslaughter conviction.

Parents (the stinky ones) were decidedly unamused when a teacher in Washington, DC, asked his sixth-graders to fill out a Venn diagram comparing George W. Bush to Hitler. The lesson was on war and conflict, and the instructions noted "both men abused their powers."

It's the 13th anniversary of the September 11 we'd capitalize if the word September weren't already capitalized. That was a time before Twitter. But here's a damned uncanny glimpse—real-time comments from Metafilter back in 2001—at how the attacks might have played if social media had been a thing.

Sleep beautifully, Jaws. Sleep beautifully.

I PLAYED BINGO LAST NIGHT. MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN...