My friend and I just learned about a certain sexual practice when we went down a GoogleHole and we absolutely must know if you've ever heard of it before. I will bet you $10 (or a very nice bottle of local Australian wine, your choice) that you've never heard of this. It's called "kunyaza."

It sounds frigging awesome! Sorry for the dry retch I'm sure it will cause you when you Google it, Dan, but how legitimately interesting is this practice? Can this be the new baseline standard for straight guys? Can we send our partners/husbands to kunyaza certification course?

Anyway, hope you're having a nice week. Thanks for all the great stuff you do. Come to Melbourne sometime, I promise you'll like it! Plus you can have fun screaming at Prime Minister Dickweed on all the local programs!

Can She Haz Kunyaza?

My response after the jump...

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You win: I've never heard of kunyaza, CSHK, so it looks like I owe you $10 or a nice bottle of Washington State wine. (Shipping a bottle of Australian wine to Melbourne would be silly and wasteful—just think of the carbon footprint on a glass of that wine!) And I would love to visit Melbourne. Again. (I was just there! I gave a speech! I looked exhausted! Whose idea was it to put Australia so far away?) Seriously: Melbourne was amazing and I'm going to jump on any excuse to return. (Hey, maybe you should write to all the newspapers there and tell them to pick up my column? That would definitely give me an excuse to come visit.)

Now here's what I learned about kunyaza after Google took me to Wikipedia:

Kunyaza is the Rwanda-Rundi name given to a sexual practice found in the Great Lakes region of East Africa which is meant to facilitate female orgasm during intercourse. The practice is present particularly in Rwanda, Burundi, western Uganda, western Tanzania, and eastern Democratic Republic of Congo. The Rwanda-Rundi word kunyaza is derived from the verb kunyaàra, meaning "to urinate" but also signifying female ejaculation achieved by the practice. It is known with various names in different regions, the regular Ugandan term being kakyabali (often kachabali in anglicised spelling) or "Western Jazz" in slang, due to its prevalence in western regions such as Ankole.... Publicised by Dr. Nsekuye Bizimana as a secure means to achieve female orgasm, often in the form of ejaculation, kunyaza involves the male partner first stimulating the clitoris and labia of the female partner by tapping and also rubbing with his penis in non-penetrative sex and then alternating shallow thrusts (gucuga) with deep thrusts (gucumita) pushing at the cervix while maintaining exaggerated circular movements between vagina walls in a "screwing" fashion during penetration.

I read all of that without retching even once. I swear. And in answer to your questions, CSHK: It is a legitimately interesting practice. It could become the new standard baseline for straight and bi guys—or it could come standard with straight guys (bundled with other positions, acts, and techniques)—but only if straight and bi women insist on it. And further googling failed to locate any schools that offer kunyaza certification courses. Maybe you could start one?