I'm a bisexual lady, 22 years old. I'm also pretty hardcore into Femdom. I can't get aroused by the thought of being in a sexual scenario with a man if I'm not a Domme. For whatever reason, I can be with women without a domination component (though it's obviously preferred). I'm constantly worried about how to relate to potential boyfriends because of this, since the amount of male subs seems to be... lacking in comparison to female ones. Do I just spring it on them on the first date to weed out the ones who can't handle it? It seems wrong to just toss Femdom into the conversation immediately, but it's such a strong part of my sexual identity...

Nervous Domme

My answer after the jump...

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If you have no interest whatsoever in being sexual with a man who isn't submissive—if a guy has to kiss your boots to get you going—then I say lead with it and weed out the guys who can't handle/aren't interested in Femdom. I might advise you differently if BDSM was something you enjoyed in the mix, i.e. if you thoroughly enjoyed vanilla sex with guys but occasionally wanted to engage in some Femdom play. Then I would advise to you to let guys get to know you before disclosing your kink; a vanilla-but-GGG guy who was into you should be willing to indulge you in some Femdom play. But if Femdom is the only thing on the menu for the boys you date/fuck, ND, don't waste the time of nice vanilla boys and GGG boys and don't waste your time on vanilla/GGG boys. Go hunt sub boys.

Get on Fetlife and, if you can, be open about your interests to your friends and breezily blunt about it with any guy who expresses a sexual interest in you. ("You're a cute boy and, yeah, I would love to hookup with you. But I only hookup with boys who are into dominant women. Are you one of those boys?") Yes, some guys—but not all—will turn tail and run. And, yes, you'll probably get a reputation as a kinkster. But that's a good thing, ND, as you'll find yourself having to "spring it on" fewer guys, as your reputation begins to proceed you, and guys who are subs will come running.

Two other quick thoughts...

While there may be more straight/bi female subs than there are straight/bi male subs, someone is watching all that Femdom porn and lurking on Reddit's Femdom boards. And however rare-in-comparison male subs might be, female Doms are rarer still. They're much rarer than male Doms, ND, which is why "professional Dominant" is a career option for women but not for men.

And finally...

You say you "can't get aroused by the thought of being in a sexual scenario with a man if I'm not a Domme," but you don't mention ever having been with a man, sub or not. ("I've tried to having sex with men without a domination component and it just doesn't work!") That fact coupled with your way-off-the-mark estimates of the numbers of sub guys out there has me convinced that you've never actually been with a guy. Please remember: The kind of sex you need to fantasize and/or masturbate about when you're thinking of a certain kind of someone isn't always the kind of sex you need to have—or even the sex you enjoy—when you're actually having sex with that kind of someone. So once you actually get with some guys, ND, you may find that Femdom is great, that it's something you enjoy and identify with strongly, but that you're actually just as versatile with boys as you are with girls. Good luck.