I am a 40 year old, heterosexual female. I've been with my heterosexual boyfriend, age 42, for 9 months. We met and got together rather quickly, we'd known each other 3 weeks before we began having sex and at first everything was fine.
What's bothering me now is that I get the impression I am not a sexually desirable partner for him. I used to dress up in stockings for him (his biggest fetish) and he would love it, but I got burned a few months ago on my 40th birthday. We got a hotel room for the night, I'd told him I basically wanted to sex it up for my birthday, so I dressed up in an outfit with stockings, lace and pigtails (his fetish) and nothing happened. He sat and watched TV and drank for hours until I gave up trying to engage him in taking video or photos or just having sex. When I got dressed he got mad.
I've tried to point out sexy outfits for me to wear, and he avoids me and starts talking about something else. He has dissed me several other times, and this whole situation has made me very insecure; it doesn't help that he prefers brunettes and I'm a little redhead. I no longer attempt to dress up for him and he never asks me to. He gets defensive when I try to talk to him about it now, so I've given that up, too. He says I'm making up stuff or that I'm just being insecure, but the reality is I was fine with myself and my sexuality before. I was looking forward to having a relationship where we could explore our sexuality, and I now feel trumped at every attempt.
He says he's attracted to me and that he loves me and wants to marry me. I wonder if I'm making too big a deal out of it, but it hurts my feelings and has killed my sex drive.
Suppressed And Disappointed
My response after the jump...
He says one thing (loves you, attracted to you) but does another (disses you, neglects you), this relationship is shredding your self-esteem and making you feel insecure and unattractive, and the sex has been terrible for the last three months and you've only been together nine?
Marry this man immediately, SAD.*
* In case you're on a powerful sarcasm uptake inhibitor: DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. Run, run, run. Alone with a vibrator is better than partnered with a guy who neglects, rejects, and gaslights you. DTMFA.
