I’m the wife-half of a straight couple, five years married, living in a Lefty city that may or may not have recently won an important sporting match. My husband is straight but not weird about it—he’s not squicked out by male sexuality or homophobic, he’s just not wired to be into dudes; I like to say I’m a non-practicing bisexual. We’re super happy, so no worries there.

My question is this: for Halloween, we’re planning to go as Hedwig (him) and Yitzhak (me). As a straight couple, is this stepping on the toes of the trans community in an icky way? Offensive? I figure (and I admit my privilege is showing) that drag is drag, regardless of sexuality, and we’re not doing this because a dude in drag is funny, we’re not mocking it, we’re just having some fun for the holiday. (And I have a bitchin 70s leather jacket I stole from an ex that’s inappropriate in any other context).

I realize that I am a grown-ass woman asking for Halloween advice and should get better things to worry about.

Hope It's Not A Drag

My response after the jump...

Michael C. Hall is playing Hedwig on Broadway right now, HINAD, and Hall is straight. And trans folks aren't manning/womanning/something-other-point-along-the-gender-spectrumming picking lines outside the Belasco Theatre. So I don't see why it would be a problem for your straight-but-not-homophobic husband to dress up as Hedwig on Halloween.

And he wouldn't be wronging the trans community by doing drag, HINAD, as trans women are not drag queens and drag queens are not trans women. Trans women and trans men can do drag, of course, but unless a trans woman is dressed as a man or a trans man is dressed as a woman... they're not doing drag. So drag isn't a trans thing—although trans people can do drag (straight people can too)—which means you don't have to worry about trans toes. (It's all terribly, terribly complicated and, hey, here's a really, really, really long piece at Think Progress about the conflicts, misunderstandings, and overlaps between the drag and trans communities. Enjoy.)

But just to be on the safe side, HINAD, I shared your letter with Parker Marie Molloy, writer and trans woman. Here's what she had to say:

Hey HINAD! I'm of the belief that Halloween is for fun and experimentation, and what's more fun than Hedwig? Given its recent cultural revival (it just won a bunch of Tony Awards and Hedwig has been played by everyone from gay icon Neil Patrick Harris to TV's favorite serial killer Michael C. Hall), I'd say it makes for a fun couples' costume. Now, obviously, there are a myriad of costumes from the Island of Bad Ideas (see: "sexy Native American," anything involving blackface, certain current events—to those thinking of going as Ray Rice and battered woman, stop). But Hedwig is a great idea. Have fun, HINAD!

Of course... it's possible that your husband might run into a trans person who objects to his Halloween costume. There's a subset of the trans community—there are subsets of every community—constantly on the lookout for some stupid piddling shit to get upset about. If your husband should be confronted by a trans person who objects to his costume, HINAD, here's what he should say: "I'm not policing your gender expression and I'm not going to let you police mine. And it's Halloween, for fuck's sake, pull the stick out of your ass. Now tell me I'm pretty and buy me a drink or fuck the fuck off, okay?"