A few days ago I wrote about how the 88-second-long "tease" for Star Wars: The Force Awakens will only be playing in a few movie theaters this weekend. "Maybe they want to make sure people think of Star Wars as still being a big-screen experience!" I said. "Maybe this is a nice reminder that cool things sometimes happen only in movie theaters!" I said. But nope! It'll also be online starting on Friday, at which point everybody's going to watch it and talk about it and make super-original jokes about how shitty the prequels were. Please note that this is the last post I'm going to write about an ad that is less than a minute and a half long and that everyone else will be talking about anyway. Knowing myself and my priorities, however, I will watch it multiple times on Friday, so don't worry, I'm still making really good use of my time.