PORTLAND'S HOLIDAY OFFICE PARTY: ANCIENT HEAT, DJ EVIL ONE
(Branx, 320 SE 2nd) See My, What a Busy Week!

THE LOWER 48, BROWNISH BLACK, MOON BY YOU
(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!

NOT SO SILENT NIGHT: WARRANT, GREAT WHITE, BLACK 'N BLUE
(Roseland, 8 NW 6th) 105.9 The Brew kinda hit the nail on the head with their Not So Silent Night bill. It's gonna be equal parts comedy show and rock 'n' roll party. Warrant (with Lynch Mob's Robert Mason taking over for the late Jani Lane), Great White (featuring original vocalist Jack Russell), and local heroes Black 'N Blue are guaranteed to play hits like "Cherry Pie" and "Once Bitten, Twice Shy," and provide immense amounts of silliness, awkwardness, and brainless fun. This show isn't about timeless music, it's about cheesy, anthemic love songs and catchy, blatant double entendre. It's about has-beens desperately grasping onto an extremely bygone era. It's about mid-life crises, and forty- to fiftysomethings' bellies sticking out about as far as their feathered hair once stood high. Forget modern music movements and teleport back to a time when men dressed up in leather and lace could slather themselves in make-up, pucker their lips, and break the heart of any woman who laid eyes on them. ARIS WALES

STUMPTOWN SOUL HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR
(Dante's, 350 W Burnside) For the first of what will hopefully become an annual tradition, the organizers of the inaugural Stumptown Soul Holiday Spectacular opted to bring out the big guns. Headlined by the fantastic Ural Thomas, Karen Lovely, and Michael Dean Damron (of I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch in the House), this stacked evening of soul-kissed tuneage isn't just an excuse to unleash your debauchery before Jesus' alleged birthday; proceeds from the event go to Shriners Hospitals for Children. You can leave an unwrapped toy at the door or donate directly. Meanwhile, musical backing by the Georgies (Aundria Lauren, Katy O'Berg, Tim Shaunessy, Jim Wolfe, Ron Cockerham and Mark Bowden) and a stellar lineup of some of Portland's finest performers is certain to make this a fun, charitable night. Do the right thing. RYAN J. PRADO